Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

I started my new job on Tuesday. There are some great things and some not so great things about it (as in everything else in life). So, I shall make lists….As I do.

Pros:
1. I’m getting paid.
2. Hot….and I mean HOT men come in every day to look at apartments. Oh! And they’re friggin’ rich! Gotta’ love it.
3. I’ve already found a new gay friend. I know. It’s shocking. So lucky he is there because the business is a little uptight so at least I have one person to talk shit with. Sing Hallelujah! Example? Today the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen up close came in right as D. went to lunch. He whipped around and said he could go later. Oh. Honey. No. You take your lunch! I wouldn’t dream of detaining you. There was much bitterness on his part whilst I laughed like a drain.
4. I’ve only been showing apartments for two days and I’ve already got three lease applications in. Easy? Little bit!
5. All the cholos on the maintenance crew love me. Again, you’re shocked. I know.
6. The commute Monday-Friday is pretty damn good so far. It only takes me an hour and about fifteen minutes each way.
7. There is a Whole Foods Market right next door.
8. Seriously? It’s so friggin’ easy. For someone who hates talking to strangers I’m bloody good at it.
9. With all the walking around I’ve been doing I’m pretty sure I’m being paid to exercise.
10. The tenants, so far, are stupid nice. They’re like Canadians! They are much with the politeness.

Cons:
1. I won’t get my first pay check till 08/31. This is the suck as I need the cash. I had to have my wind shield replaced a few weeks ago and it cost an obscene amount of money.
2. I was told that my outfit today was too casual. They want me to wear suits and shit. However, on the plus side when I explained that I would have to wait a couple of pay checks to improve the old wardrobe they didn’t get pissy about it.
3. The other two people in the office are, as previously mentioned, a wee bit uptight. Seriously. If I dropped the s bomb I think they might faint.
4. I haven’t really been getting any training. They basically showed me the forms and then flung me to the wolves. Also, they keep asking me to do things they haven’t told me how to do yet. It’s a bit annoying but they do, in the end, realize that Oh yeah! We haven’t told her about that yet!
5. All the cholos on the maintenance crew love me.
6. The commute on Saturday is a bitch on wheels. Please, somebody, explain to me what the fuck is up with that!
7. There is a Whole Paycheck Market right next door.
8. I do a lot of filing. A. Lot. Apparently nobody had filed anything for about a month before I got there and when they did they didn’t seem to know their alphabet.
9. It’s very disorganized. Which is a struggle for me. It makes me a little mental.
10. People keep saying, “From where? You drive all that way?! Every day?! Wow!” At least once a day. Come on, people! Get over it! Then, of course, they start talking about how they could never do it…blah…blah…blah. So? You don’t have to. Get a grip.

So, all in all, I like it so far. When I get paid I’ll like it even more.

People Who Don't Make Me Sad

The people who made these movies.

Why? Because "Mostly Martha" is so good that I could almost ignore the "smooth jazz" soundtrack. Catherine Zeta-Who? And also because "North & South" is a truly great BBC costume drama...and, let's face facts, Richard Armitage is too damn good looking.

In other news! I slept weird and now I can't move my neck. I'm a gimp! Well, no. Not a gimp. What would one call someone who couldn't move their neck? I have no idea. I'm off to od on ibuprofin.

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one.

My Day: 08/09/07

8 - 8:15 AM: Woke Up
8:15 - 10 AM: Got Ready For My Two Interviews
10 AM: Left For First Interview
10 - 11:30 AM: Drove To McLean
11:30: Confused My Right With My Left And Got A Wee Bit Lost
11:40: Back On Track
11:45: Arrived At First Interview
11:45 - 12 PM: Sat In Car Because I Was Way Early For My Interview
12 PM: Entered Building
12 - 12:15 PM: Filled Out Paperwork.
12:15 - 12:25 PM: Worst Interview Ever

A Brief Synopsis Of Worst Interview Ever For Your Edification:
Mr. Idiot Bastard - Andrea?
Me - Actually, it’s Adrienne but -
Mr. Idiot Bastard - Whatever.
Me - (confused) It’s ok. It happens all the time.
Mr. Idiot Bastard spends the rest of the ten minutes staring at my (entirely appropriately clothed) chest and rolling his eyes when I speak.

12:25 - 12:35: Given All Kinds Of Paperwork By The Receptionist In Case I’m Hired…Um, Yeah. Right.
12:35 - 2:15 PM: Drove Back To Fredericksburg Whilst Swearing & Yelling
2:15 - 2:35: Went To Avanti & Had Hair Straightened To Perk Myself Up
2:35 - 3:00: Went To Get Gas And Find A Restroom
3:00 - 4:00 PM: Drove To Alexandria For Second Interview In Pouring Rain
4 - 4:30 PM: Sat In Car Because I Was Way Early For My Interview
4:30 PM: Entered Building
4:30 - 4:50 PM: Filled Out Paperwork
4:50 - 5:45: Best Interview Ever

A Brief Synopsis Of Best Interview Ever For Your Edification:
The lady interviewing me said, and I quote, that I seemed perfect (repeatedly) and that with my personality she would think that I’d be able to easily rent five or six apartments a month. She also laughed in all the right places and when she asked me customer service/sales question she said (repeatedly) that my answers are what she herself would have done. She lastly said that she had to make a decision by tomorrow (08/10/07) and that she’d call me then (today).

5:45 - 7:30 PM: Drove Home Whilst Singing Loudly To The Radio

Now it’s 2:38PM the next day and I’ve heard nothing from the nice lady. So, what? What the hell?! I’ve been thinking positively all day (till now) and I’m still trying to keep a good thought but GD! If I suck I do wish people would just tell me! At least that way I don’t get my hopes up. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is.

UPDATED TO ADD:
I don't suck! I just got the call from the apartment building. Tomorrow I go to get drug tested and, providing I'm not a heroine adict and my references work out, I start on Tuesday at 9AM.

You Know The Drill

I’ve been tagged twice! This seems unfair. So, in protest, I shall only respond once. Stick that in your collective pipes and smoke it!

8 Weird Things That You May Not Know About Me:
1. I write poetry. Awesomely bad poetry. Occasionally, if I think it’s funny, I will inflict it on others. This is rare. Please, don’t be frightened.

2. I am deathly afraid of tornadoes. Every time we have any kind of a warning or watch or anything I have a minor panic attack.

3. I can pick things up with my toes. . . and I do.

4. I have to check my bank account balance at least once a day. On vacation? Twice a day. What? I'm bad at math.

5. I love lists. All lists. You are all enablers!

6. I bought a tv over a year ago. It worked for 3 months and then blew. I still have it in my room because every couple of months I become convinced that I can fix it. I spend a couple of hours trying to fix it. I never succeed. PS? I don't know anything about electronics.

7. I collect notebooks. Everywhere I go I buy notebooks but then I don't want to use them because they're so perfect blank. I end up using an old legal pad.

8. I've always wanted a surprise birthday party. I don't know why.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. T.S. Eliot

It has been brought to my attention that I don’t blog enough. Well, what can I say? My bad. So, I’ll attempt to log a blog at least once a day. Starting? Oh, why not now?

What to blog about? What…to…blog…about…. Hu. Well, since nothing is striking me right off the bat I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with stream of consciousness. Sucks to be you as I will not be using spell check.

Why are gauchos a popular style of pant? They don’t look good on anybody under 5’5”. Seriously. Think about it. They end right below the knee but they’re all quite loose and flowy. Who needs that when they have, like myself, about what? 4 inches between knee and ankle? Maybe it’s that I have the shortest legs on the planet (except obviously for “little people” PS? Did you see that the father from Little People Big World got pulled for DUI? For G-d’s sake! If you are under 4 feet tall I got news! You can’t drink that much. It’s a body mass thing. Thems the breaks but come on! You had to know that.)? I am, apparently, Snow White: The Later Years. No. Don’t laugh. It’s serious stuff! The later years? I’m old. Old as the hills…as long as the hills were formed in 1975. Wow. The seventies kind of sucked. On the bright side? I was born on the day that we finally left Vietnam. You’re welcome. Clearly it was in honor of my birthday. The cosmos thought to themselves, as they are want to do, well, she’s missed good Elvis, the Beatles, the sexual revolution will be over by the time she’s old enough to do anything about it . . . .not that I believe I would have although who knows? Maybe if I hadn’t been raised my entire life knowing that sex can kill I’d be a total whore but I kind of doubt it. Sadly, I am what used to be known as a “good girl”. Sex is fun. I like it. However, I don’t see the point of random hooking up. It just seems trashy to me. I mean you should all go do what you want I’m not preaching! I’m just saying, for me? I think not. At least this way if ever I decide to totally give up my entire way of life I can move to Brooklyn and become one of the Hasidim. Yeah. That would happen. Like I’d ever shave my head. Get a grip! I’d wear a burka first. Actually, I think they’re actually a good idea in the desert. Sunburn is a bitch on wheels is all I’m sayin’. Which is actually why they were probably introduced. Why? Because the paler you are the more high class you must be. If you’re pale you must have servants to do the work for you out in the sun. So, since all people want to be thought of as being of a higher station what can you do if you need to be out in the sun? You cover up. It’s a fashion, man! Maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know. It’s just a theory. Please, don’t bomb me. Can I just say that I’m in no way afraid of being bombed? When the Republicans start telling me that without them I’d be bombed to hell and gone I tend to laugh (with great force. . . and anger). I don’t know how anybody could let that color their view of the different parties. Is it better to vote out of fear or out of respect? Well, all I’m saying is that the Nazis instilled fear in the populace and look what happened. Bad things. Am I saying that terrorism is never going to happen here again? Clearly I am not. I’m saying that if it happens it happens. Closing down the Mexican border isn’t going to help. That’s just an excuse to keep the dark poor people out. Racism at it’s finest. You never hear anybody say “those damn Canadians are taking our jobs! Let’s build a wall!” No. No. You never will. Why? Because we think of Canadians as being white folks who speak our language. To this I say that the statue of liberty doesn’t have a plaque that reads “give me your white. Your rich. Your English speakers yearning to make bank!” I bitch and moan, it occurs to me, a lot about my country. Well, that’s my prerogative (I can do what I wanna’ do…Bobby Brown…anyone? Anyone?). I’m an American. It’s my duty to try and make my country a better place. I honestly believe in the dream of America. I believe that we are, when we do what we say we will do and are who we say we are, the greatest country in the world. We are the only country founded on the simple principle that all men are created equal and have the right to go out and do what they can, as long as they don’t hurt anyone else, to be happy. That’s pretty friggin’ extraordinary when you think about it. Are we the best we can be? No. We aren’t. We are not what we should be. But, more importantly, we are not what we were and we shall someday, G-d willing, be what we can be. Maybe I should run for president! Not likely. If I could figure out a way to work for the Clinton foundation I’d do it in a hot minute. Hmmmm….how to get in the door at the Clinton foundation….oh. Wait. I got an idea. An awful idea. Dark Fury has a wonderful, awful idea. . . . Anybody got a cigar? I just shouldn’t wear gauchos when I go on the interview because, again, they’re not attractive.

If You Can't Afford To Tip Then You Can't Afford To Go Out!

The 30 minute whore is everywhere. Why? Why? Seriously, what am I? Job?!

30 Minute Meals was bad enough but I could live with it. I changed the station. Done. Then $40 A Day...OK. Too much but still ok. But now she's endorsing every product under the sun and has, what? 32 shows? On at any given time. Aurgh! It's too much.

Maybe it wouldn't bug me so much if she didn't constantly abbreviate words/phrases that take more time for her to explain the abbreviation of than to actually say. No. No. Even without the abbreviations she'd still be friggin' irritating. Perhaps if she learned how to use measuring devices? What kind of a cook "eyeballs" a cup of anything? How is telling someone to use a handful of something helpful? Um, hi! People have different sized hands. My handful and Mike Tyson’s handful? Probably different. Still, I can deal with this. I can live with her fake ass perky attitude. It's all good in the hood. I have a remote control I can flip away. So, Hmmm...what's the real issue?

The real issue is that she's rich as Roosevelt and apparently thinks that it's ok to tip less than 10% on any purchase. I came home a few minutes ago and her $40 a Day was on. It was that oh so exciting moment when they flash the break down for the price of her meal on the screen. She spent $10 on breakfast and, with tax and tip? It was a whopping $11.75. Now if one person wants to be a cheap piece of goods well then that's up to them but to imply that this is acceptable behavior to your legions (why? why? I need to know!) of fans is neither delish nor yum-o. It's creepy and sickening, just like those cutesy expressions.

Someday, come the revolution, the wait staff of the world will rise up and slay her and she'll have no one but herself to blame.

FunnyOrDie.com

This is what funny looks like. Don't forget to vote. It's right there on the screen. PS? It's the funny button not the other. I throw that in just in case you're stoned.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6d184aa866