Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Three (3) Random Things

1. Today I went to work. I sat in my office. I attempted to work. I was interrupted, every ten minutes, by random coworkers popping in and out of my door.

"You're going to the breakfast, right?"
"Do you know if it's time for the breakfast?"
"What will I do if I miss the breakfast? Oh, Christ! I'll die! I'll. . .die."*
"Hey, they're starting the breakfast."

I thought about the fact that, even though I had nothing at all to do with said breakfast shin-dig, I am, apparently, thought to be Julie, The Cruise Director. On Friday we're having a luncheon. I think I'll make myself a name tag, buy a white blazer and direct people to the lido deck whilst flipping my super cute Dorothy Hamill hair cut. It's gonna' be boss and...possibly...gnarly.

2. Speaking of cruise directors. . . .

I have been staying at Elisa's in-laws since everybody and their brother Mike left for the cruise on the twelfth. I'm watching the dogs. They're adorable. I heart them. However, one of them has killer gas. No. I mean it. Killer. My life is in danger. Go ahead and laugh but you'll be laughing out of the other side of your face when you read in the paper (oh, come on, who am I kidding? Nobody reads papers anymore!) that I was found in deep rigor with a look of extreme terror and not a litt;e awe engraved on my face. Awe? Yes. Awe. I'm amazed that anything or one can smell that bad and not be dead. It must be a skill of some kind.
Oh, also? They wake up and bark every two hours starting at 1 AM. It's awesome! But, they are ador - - - - -

Holy. Mother. The stench just hit me. I can't give you a third item. I've got to run. Literally.

*OK. I made that one up. But not by much!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Erin Is An Enabler

Who feeds my list fetish. She's evil & wrong. That being said.....

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? In a perfect world? Real. In my house? Artificial…damn it!
3. When do you put up the tree? The Saturday after Thanksgiving. It’s called “Turkey Tree Day”. It’s tradition.
4. When do you take the tree down? January 2nd
5. Do you like eggnog? No. It’s vile, evil & so very very wrong.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? The Complete Annotated Shakespeare.
7. Hardest person to buy for? Nobody. I’m a pretty good gift giver, I think.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Elisa. She’s a hippy. Step 1: World Market Step 2: Buy Something - Done!
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, my great grandmother gave me one. It’s quite lovely….I am the best Jew ever!
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My great aunt (from Brooklyn so not really her fault…much) gave me a gold lame, beaded, fringed (!) purse when I was 16. I almost threw up.
12. Favorite Christmas movie? The Bishop’s Wife
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Usually the week of. This year? I’m on it! I’m half done…it may be the end times. Seriously. Be afraid.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No. Tacky.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Beef Stew (What? We’re Irish. Don’t judge.) For Hanukkah? Latkes, obviously.
16. Lights on the tree? Yes, but I’m OCD so they’re very specific & we really can’t get into that without me having an “episode”.
17. Favorite Christmas carol? Anything by Bing Crosby
18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? Go to my Aunt’s.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Hanchel, Herschel, Schlomo…um, Grumpy, Doc, Sleepy, Ted & Rudolph!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning. What am I a heathen?
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Explaining, repeatedly, to my coworkers that I do, in fact, celebrate Christmas & Hanukkah…welcome to America! It’s a melting pot.
23. What theme or color are you using? We don’t do that. We mix it up. Single color trees are gross and wrong.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Corn muffins. What? What else do you eat with beef stew?
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? World peace…but, if I can’t have that, I’ll take a million dollars. Who am I to be so picky?
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Stealing Erin’s Answer: Your Mom