15 Books in 15 Minutes

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

1. To Kill a Mockingbird
2. Good Omens
3. A Christmas Carol
4. The Poetry and Short Stories of Dorothy Parker
5. Without Feathers
6. Maus: A Survivor’s Tale
7. The Selected Poems of Federico Garcia-Lorca Bilingual Edition
8. The Scarlet Letter
9. War & Peace (because I hate it so much)
10. Pride & Prejudice
11. Persuasion
12. The Color Purple
13. Daughters of Decadence: Women Writers of The Fin De Siecle
14. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal
15. Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture

And, because you know I can’t just list 15 books…

Bonus Round!

16. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
17. The Handmaid’s Tale
18. The Ode Less Traveled: Unlocking the Poet Within
19. Right Ho, Jeeves
20. I, Claudius

Erin Is An Enabler

Who feeds my list fetish. She's evil & wrong. That being said.....

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? In a perfect world? Real. In my house? Artificial…damn it!
3. When do you put up the tree? The Saturday after Thanksgiving. It’s called “Turkey Tree Day”. It’s tradition.
4. When do you take the tree down? January 2nd
5. Do you like eggnog? No. It’s vile, evil & so very very wrong.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? The Complete Annotated Shakespeare.
7. Hardest person to buy for? Nobody. I’m a pretty good gift giver, I think.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Elisa. She’s a hippy. Step 1: World Market Step 2: Buy Something - Done!
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, my great grandmother gave me one. It’s quite lovely….I am the best Jew ever!
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My great aunt (from Brooklyn so not really her fault…much) gave me a gold lame, beaded, fringed (!) purse when I was 16. I almost threw up.
12. Favorite Christmas movie? The Bishop’s Wife
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Usually the week of. This year? I’m on it! I’m half done…it may be the end times. Seriously. Be afraid.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No. Tacky.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Beef Stew (What? We’re Irish. Don’t judge.) For Hanukkah? Latkes, obviously.
16. Lights on the tree? Yes, but I’m OCD so they’re very specific & we really can’t get into that without me having an “episode”.
17. Favorite Christmas carol? Anything by Bing Crosby
18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? Go to my Aunt’s.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Hanchel, Herschel, Schlomo…um, Grumpy, Doc, Sleepy, Ted & Rudolph!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning. What am I a heathen?
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Explaining, repeatedly, to my coworkers that I do, in fact, celebrate Christmas & Hanukkah…welcome to America! It’s a melting pot.
23. What theme or color are you using? We don’t do that. We mix it up. Single color trees are gross and wrong.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Corn muffins. What? What else do you eat with beef stew?
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? World peace…but, if I can’t have that, I’ll take a million dollars. Who am I to be so picky?
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Stealing Erin’s Answer: Your Mom

"A library is not a luxury but one of the necessities of life." - Henry Ward Beecher

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

The Rules:
1) Look at the list and put one * by those you have read.
2) Put a % by those you intend to read.
3) Put two ** by the books you LOVE.
4) Put # by the books you HATE.
5) Post.

I've read 71 . . . maybe when people say I read too much they have a point . . . .

**1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
*2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
*3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
*4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
**5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
*6 The Bible (parts of)
*7 Wuthering Heights
*8 1984 - George Orwell
*9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
*10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
**11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
*12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
**13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
**14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
*15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
*16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
*18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
*20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
*21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
*22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
*23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
*24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
**25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
*28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
**29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
*30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
*31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
*32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
*33 Chronicles of Narnia- CS Lewis
**34 Emma - Jane Austen
**35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
*36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
*39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
**40 Winnie the pooh - AA Milne
*41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
*42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
*43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
*44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
*45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
**46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
*48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
*49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
*52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
**54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
*57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
%59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
*60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
*61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
*62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
*65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
*#66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
*67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
*68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
*70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
*71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
*72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
**73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
*75 Ulysses - James Joyce
*#76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
*79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
**81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
**83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
**84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
*85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
*87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
*89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
*92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
**96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
*97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
**98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (um, didn’;t we cover this under “The COMPLETE Works?)*99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
*100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I Don't Know Why These Make Me Laugh But They Do!

Texas is called "The Lone Star State" because Texans know that compared to Chuck Norris, their other celebrities just don't measure up.

Scientists collected a single drop of sweat from Chuck Norris' leg after he performed a roundhouse kick. The resulting serum turned out to be the Polio vaccine.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.

Chuck Norris' digestive system also functions as an oil refinery.

The gallons contained in Chuck Norris' hat rivals infinity.

Chuck Norris' beard is the modern day equivalent of chain mail.

Chuck Norris can grind metal with his stubble.

Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Marbles 'N' Gravel.

When Oppenheimer said "I have become death, the destroyer of world." Chuck just laughed....then kicked him in the head.

Never play a game of Sorry! with Chuck Norris. It can only end in tears. Yours.

Chuck Norris can peel oranges with his eyelids.

In a fight between Batman and Superman, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Upon being denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:30, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Chuck Norris knew that Soylent Green was people.

Chuck Norris is the "I" in "team."

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendents are known as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris never makes grammatical or spelling errors. He just invents new words and grammatical rules.

Chuck Norris CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

Chuck Norris wears bear traps on his feet instead of sandals.

Chuck Norris once took sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Scientists recently found matter to have three states: Particle, wave and Chuck Norris.

All of Chuck Norris' white blood cells have black belts. This is why Chuck Norris never gets sick.

There's Kilo, Mega, Giga, Tera, Peta, Exa, Zeta, Yotta, and Chuck Norris. Nobody can count that high, however, so it isn't practical to use.

Chuck Norris spends hours staring directly into the sun. We call that "night".

Chuck Norris once took up gardening, and tried to "Hoe a row". We now call it the Grand Canyon.

John Donne was wrong:
Chuck Norris is an island.

Chuck Norris consistently wins at Monopoly owning only Marvin's Gardens as property.

When Chuck Norris was 7 seconds old he was reading at a 5th grade level. At 12 seconds he had already published a review of the entire Ayn Rand collection - he found it cliched.

The reason the aborigines won't let you take their picture ----> Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris stares into a mirror, even his reflection knows better than to stare back.

The best way to stop a Chuck Norris attack is to play dead. The only SURE way to stop a Chuck Norris attack is to BE dead.

Chuck Norris can breathe in and out at the same time, when he needs to breathe at all, which is never.

Chuck Norris once delivered a baby in the back seat of a taxi cab. He delivered it a roundhouse kick to the sternum.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris lathers and rinses, but doesn't have to repeat.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

I've Been Tagged

ABC of Me . . . .

A. Attached or Single - Single

B. Best Friend(s) - Olivia

C. Cake or Pie - Cake

D. Day of Choice - January 20, 2009

E. Essential Item - Sunglasses & Sun Block

F. Flavor of Ice Cream - Strawberry, Vanilla or Baskin Robins Mint Chip

G. Gummy Bears or Worms - Neither

H. Hometown - Fredericksburg, VA

I. Indulgences - Sleeping, Shopping For Books, Cooking

J. January or July- January

K. Kids - in the future

L. Last movie I saw in a theater - P.S. I Love You (I think)

(M is Missing in Action)

N. Number of siblings - Zero

O. Oranges or Apples - Oranges

P. Phobias or Fears - Dentists, Spiders, Heights, Clowns, Being Served Crab Accidentally

Q. Quote - "This is why we can’t have nice things”

R. Reasons to smile - Dogs, Horses, Friends, Family, Craig Ferguson, Mike Myers

S. Season - Spring & Fall

T. Tag 4 - Everybody has been tagged.

U. Unknown fact about me - I hate most perfumes and scented candles.

V. Vegetarian or oppressor of Animals - Oppressor.

W. Worst Habit - Smoking, Biting My Nails, Grinding My Teeth

X. X-rays or Ultrasounds - Which would I rather have? X-ray, I guess. Weirdo.

Y. Your favorite Food - Green Peas, Strawberries, My Grandmother’s Beef Stew, Okra, Waffles, Anything I Haven’t cooked because after spending hours with something I just don’t want to eat it. I’m weird.

Z. Zodiac - Taurus

The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world. - Leonard Cohen

Can’t sleep. Can’t sleep. Can’t. Bloody. Sleep.

The worst part is that due to this fact I’m watching horrible movies. Truly. Not just funny bad but baaaad bad . When will it end? Why me, Lord?

Since Monday I’ve watched the following. Feel my pain.

Life After Tomorrow -
Documentary
Interviews with women who were in either the Broadway or road company of Annie. Apparently it really fucked them up.
Bonus: “Tomorrow” stuck in my head for about 8 hours.

Trembling Before G-d -
Documentary
Interviews of gay people who were brought up Hasidic Jews and either came out or live in the closet. Apparently it really fucked them up.
Bonus: The English guy was in the closet? Seriously? Wait. Hold on. For reallsies? If you say so.

Motel Niagara -
Drama
Can’t even explain it. It’s vignettes! Oy.
Bonus: Craig Ferguson is good even when he’s given about 10 minutes of screen time.

Rent -
Vomit Inducing Rock-Opera
You can’t hear me scream so I can’t explain how much I dislike this thing.
Bonus: “…for people with AIDs. People like me.” “Me too.”
“Take your AZT.”
“Your own blood cells betray…”
Wait. Does one of the characters have HIV? I’m sorry. It’s too subtle for me. Oy. I hate when I get hit over the head with a theme. Just sayin’.

Rock Bottom: Gay Men & Meth -
Documentary
Interviews of men who are current or recovering meth addicts. I’ve seen it before but I was bored so I watched it again.
Bonus: No bonus. Just sad.

The Watcher -
Thriller
Psycho killer follows psycho cop to new city in order to torture him.
Bonus: Keanu Reeves & James Spader are pretty. So pretty.

Oh, shit. Rent is on. I have to go kick the screen in.

....And The Word Was "List"....

1. Your middle name? Michael Dulany

2. Your favorite color? Green

3. Your birth month? May

4. Do you think everyone should act their age? Fuck no…act older!

5. Would you rather live in a mansion or cottage? I’d rather live in a shotgun shack, seriously.

6. Is your home perfectly spotless or lived in? Are there any other options?

7. Do you love your life? Sometimes

8. Do you want kids? Yes

9. Are you in a relationship? No

10. Do you have a soul mate? Yes but, sadly, he’s a goatherd in outer Mongolia so it’s doomed. Doomed!

11. City life or country life? Either, I just hate the suburbs.

12. Sports or theater? Neither. I'll take Theatre, thank you.

13. Books or movies? What is this, Sophie’s Choice?! I can’t choose and you can’t make me!

14. Poetry or Music? Music

15. Dinners out or at home? Depends on my mood

16. Romantic is a walk in the woods or on the beach? Either or neither depending on with whom one walks.

17. Home in the Mountains or on the Beach? Beach…no! Mountains…no! Beach….oh, cripes.

18. Mornings or nights? Nights

19. Is the glass half full or half empty? Either way it’s time for a refill.

20. Coffee or tea? Tea

21. Beer or Soda? Soda

22. An energy drink or juice? Juice

23. Are you the Driver or passenger? Passenger

24. Are you the Leader or follower? I'm a very submissive person, so...yeah. I didn't buy it either.

25. Are you pessimistic or optimistic? I’m a realist…so, pessimistic, I suppose.

26. Save the Whales or Save the Rainforest? The Polar Bears

27. If given the option, would you give money or food? Food

28. Would you give someone a second chance? How badly did they fuck up and how close were we to begin with? Not so bad and/or we‘re quite close? Sure. Horrible and/or I didn‘t care about the person to begin with? Dead to me!

29. What’s the hardest thing for you to give? Cash

30. Why?
Because I don't have any? And, if I may, duh.

31. Honesty even if it hurts or a white lie to make them feel better? Depends on the situation. Bad hair cut? Honesty. Ugly baby? White lie.

32. What’s the one thing that really sets you off? Injustice and bad movies

33. Tough love or forgiveness? Both. The iron fist in a velvet glove.

34. One for all or All for one? One for all

35. What’s your top regret? I think not.

36. What’s the one thing you would change about your life? I’d be Swedish…regrets, I’ve had a few…

37. What’s the one thing you would like people to know about yourself? My name isn’t Andrea, Andra or Audrey Anne.

38. What’s one thing you would change about yourself? I’d never be early. It's annoying.

39. What do you think of the phrase "Good Intentions"? The road to hell is paved with them. Do the right thing or don't. Up to you.

40. Do you believe in love? Yes

41. Can love die? No.

42. Is love blind? No. You don’t love people despite their flaws you love them because of them. Otherwise we’d all be A) the same, B) boring and C) screwed.

43. Whats the one thing you could never forgive? Disloyalty or hurting any of my family or friends. You murdered some stranger?! I'm sure they had it comin'.

44. Do you believe in second chances? Um, didn’t we cover this or am I psychic?

Wrong Crowd, Bub.

I, yet again, don't blog enough so here ya' go....

Things, Places or People That Are Mentioned To Me That I Have No Interest In Or Actively Dislike.

1. Stephen King
I do not read Stephen King. No. Seriously. Nothing. That man is not right in the head. If he moved into my neighborhood I’d move. I may never go to Maine because of him. I’m just sayin’.

2. Those Friggin’ Hobbit Movies
I enjoy the books. I’ll have to be content with that because those movies are boring as ass. If you’d like to know how I feel about them in detail rent “Clerks II”. Randal takes the words right out of my mouth.

3. Lost
I don’t get it. Sorry. Maybe I’m defective. I don’t know. I’m willing to consider that it’s the best show ever and I just don’t get it. Who knows?

4. Star Wars
Yes, I’ve seen them all. Yes, I enjoy the first three. Other than that? Who cares? I am, however, interested in laughing at the freaks who sleep out for tickets and dress up. They make me giggle.

5. Football
I don’t know who won the Super Bowl. I don’t care who won the Super Bowl. I will never care about the Super Bowl. Ever. You want to talk to me about baseball? OK. Hockey? Less interested but still there. Football? I think Berke Breathed (Bloom County) sums it up best, “if mad at pig eat pig!”

That’s all for now.

Pssst! You're Thetan Is Showing!

Somebody leaked the Scientology “Audit” questionnaire….let’s have some fun.

Have you ever enslaved a population? Well, define “enslaved”. You say Tom-ay-to I say Tom-ah-to.

Have you ever debased a nation's currency? I’ve done my best but I think I’ve only devalued the currency in my own bank account. This is a mater of deep shame for me. Let’s move on.

Have you ever killed the wrong person? No. I always check ID….Otherwise it’s just wrong. How dare you?

Have you ever torn out someone's tongue? No. I don’t care for saliva on my hand.

Have you ever been a professional critic? Professional? No. It’s just a hobby.

Have you ever wiped out a family? Of humans? Ants? Birds? What? I need more info to answer this.

Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name? As G-d is my witness I can honestly say I have never given sanity a bad name.

Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion? No. I always use a harness and three cattle prods. Two for safety and one for fun.

Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive? Well, who hasn’t? Now you’re just being silly.

Have you ever made love to a dead body? That’s a matter of opinion, surely?

Have you ever engaged in piracy? Arg, no, matey. I’d hate to have a parrot on my shoulder. Birds smell.

Have you ever been a pimp? Whatchu’ laughin’ at? Ain’t a damn thing funny. Bitch better have my money!

Have you ever eaten a human body? Not a whole one, no.

Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing? I once, accidentally, got a perm. Does that count?

Have you ever exterminated a species? Global warming will exterminate the polar bear within fifty years and everybody contributes to that so not yet but I’m working on it.

Have you ever been a professional executioner? Do tips count as professional? If not it’s, again, just a hobby.

Have you given robots a bad name? Yes. I cried at a movie once. My bad.

Have you ever set a booby trap? I’m not MacGyver (sp?).

Have you ever failed to rescue your leader? Yes. But, in all fairness, Barbra was bound and determined to get that fugly hair style and we’ve never met so how could I tell her? HOW?!?!

Have you driven anyone insane? Maybe.

Have you ever killed the wrong person? Again, I check ID. I’m a very responsible person. I’m offended that you didn’t believe me the first time.

Is anybody looking for you? Everybody, baby.

Have you ever set a poor example? No but I’ve convinced a Mormon to eat Chinese food, drink regular Coke and smoke a cigarette. He was grateful, as I recall.

Did you come to Earth for evil purposes? Of course.

Are you in hiding? Only from Tom Cruise.

Have you systematically set up mysteries? No. I do it randomly.

Have you ever made a practice of confusing people? Well, it does make perfect.

Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead? I’d answer but I just have to complete my thesis on Kierkegaard and the Concept and Rise of Intellectualism in Germanic Cultures. Can you wait?

Have you ever gone crazy? . . . . Seriously? You're asking me that question?

Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity? If you meant - Have you ever tried to persuade someone that you are insane then the answer is I’ve never had to. If you meant - Have you ever sought to persuade someone that your insane idea was correct then the answer is I’ve never had to.

Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader? Name one “great leader” in my life time. If you can find one I’ll answer that question.

Have you ever smothered a baby? Once a day and twice on Sunday. Was I not supposed to? I know I shouldn’t shake a baby but I never heard any PSA about smothering!

Do you deserve to have any friends? Not particularly but who, when you think about it, does? So we may as well all make the best of it.

Have you ever castrated anyone? Only verbally.

Do you deserve to be enslaved? Only if I’m paid really handsomely.

Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again? This one, you bastard!

Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real? I have no idea what the hell you are on. Drugs are bad, m’kay?

Have you ever zapped anyone? I’ll tase ya’, bro.

Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it? On toast.

....And The Word Was (For The Last Time...For A While) List....

What was the worst name people called you in school?:
Andrea

What is your religion or personal beliefs?:
I am a Jew who doesn't believe in organized religion.

How many times per day do you think about sex?:
Depends on the day and who crosses my path

Do you think you are confident?:
Somewhat

What is your goal this year?:
1. Finish book (30 days? Ha!) 2. Go On Vacation 3. Stop Commuting

Describe the person of your dreams.:
fall down funny, smart, tall(er than me...height is relative), rich as Roosevelt (what? a girl can dream!)

Have you ever had an unhealthy obsession? If so, what?:
Yes. Once I start drinking orange juice I can't stop until it's gone. I'm an orange juice addict. I can't keep it in the house. I have to buy it one small carton at a time. The sad part? I'm not kidding.

Have you ever seen a therapist?:
Yes and, if I may, duh.

How many medications do you take per day?:
None. Scary ain't it?

How do you sleep?:
On my stomach.

What was the last thing you dreamt and remember?:
I had a dream that I was in jail for some small offense and my two oldest friends kept coming by to tell me they were going to break me out but they never did. Slackers!

What is your talent?:
I'm a triple threat, baby! I can bitch, moan . . . and sing.

Do you ever think about an ex?:
Yep

Are you superstitious?:
Sometimes

What is your feelings about marriage?:
Do you mean what are my feelings about marriage? If so, I say go for it.

What was the last thing you ate?:
A sandwich

What turns you on?:
humour, intelligence and a good head of hair don't hurt

How do you look for someone to date?:
I don't

Do you believe in fate?:
Sure

How did your parents meet?:
They worked at the same hotel. They were introduced by their boss. My father then sang "Garcia. I just met a girl named Garcia." And, for some reason, she still married him.

Have you ever taken an inkblot test?:
Yes...they all looked like ink blots. It was great!

They say everyone has a muse. Who is yours?:
Who says that? Who is this "they" you speak of?

Last thing you drank.:
water

Do you have strong values?:
yes

How tall are you?:
5"1' and a half

What animal are you?:
Um....a human?

What fruit is your favorite?:
Orange

When did you first start using the Internet?:
1996

What does your screen name or email address stand for or mean?:
Dark Fury is my super hero name

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?:
vanilla

Who was the last person you text messaged?:
Liv a.k.a. Blonde Justice

What is the last picture you took on your cellphone of?:
Seriously? Stop making surveys and take an English class.

Do you have any scars?:
Yes

Do you consider yourself a lucky person?:
Sometimes

What comes to mind when I say "nipple"?:
Kevin...if you know him you know why.

What is in the back of your mind right now?:
My skull

What is your IQ?:
I don't know. When I was twelve it was 145.

Are your nails long or short?:
short

What noise do you hear right now?:
The Rat Pack x-mas album

What room are you in?:
my bedroom

Do you have a crush or desire someone right now?:
Yes, Craig Ferguson. Wait. You mean people I know? No.

Are you single?:
Yes

Are you diagnosed with any disorders?:
Yes

What was the last time you were in Walmart?:
3 or 4 years ago

What was the last thing you bought?:
water

What is on your Christmas list so far?:
Dinner For 5 the complete series

What are you craving?:
sleep

What cereal do you eat?:
hot: apple oatmeal cold: raisin bran crunch

Name a prank you did once on someone.:
Frank

Last thing you laughed at?:
My answer to the last question. I amuse myself, the hell with everybody else!

....And The Word Was (Yet Again) List....

1. Honestly, how many people have you had "STRONG" feelings for? Well, are we including the people I loathe and despise? If so…..many….

2. Honestly, what color is your shirt? Black

3. Honestly, what's on your mind? Avoiding writing

4. Honestly, what are you doing right now? Avoiding writing

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? Yes, avoided writing

7. Honestly, do you watch Wild n' Out? No idea what this is.

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes, all those people who are bitching because they’re “only” at 45K words….bastards!

9. Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time? My mother…mostly….except when she doesn’t

10. Honestly, do you have deep secrets? Yes. I’m actually a skinhead from Perth and born under a bad sign. Also, I was abducted by aliens - and now they never call!

11. Honestly, when is the last time you have been to tesco? Never

12. Honestly, are you mean? Not as mean as I used to be.
13. Honestly, who did you copy and paste this from? Sarah

14. Honestly, where would you rather be right now? St. Maarten

15. Honestly, do you like someone.? Not particularly.

16. Honestly, who was the last person to text you? Liv

17. Honestly, is there anything currently annoying you? Yes, see numbers 3 and 4

18. Honestly, what was the last thing you ate? Toast

19. Honestly, have you gone out of your way to make a new friend? I don’t think so.

20. Honestly, do you shower? Yes
21. Honestly, are you happy? Right now? Well, I’m not sad and I’m not ecstatic. I’m OK.

22. Honestly, ever made anyone cry? Yes

23. Honestly, have you ever cried over someone? Yes. I’m not a robot.

24. Honestly, have you ever cried yourself to sleep? See #23

25. Honestly, have you kissed someone of the same sex this week? No

26. Honestly, when was the last time you hugged or kissed someone? Last Sunday

27. Honestly, when was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Last Sunday

28. Honestly, are you normally a happy person? Not usually. But I make up for it with my sparkling wit and devastating good looks!

29. Honestly, what makes you mad? Injustice and bad movies

30. Honestly, does being with your friends make you happy? Usually, yes (collective “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”)

31. Honestly, do you believe in yourself? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Not lately.

32. Honestly, are you annoying to people? Very probably.

33. Honestly, is cheating acceptable? No. If you don’t want to be with someone leave them don’t cheat. Cheating is vulgar.

34. Honestly, was this survey any good? Eh. It’ll do.

35. Honestly, have you hugged a girl this week? No

36. Honestly, are you a relationship person? Not lately but, in general, yes.

37. Honestly, do you own a box of condoms? No

38. Honestly, who was the last person you hugged? Hans

39. Honestly, when is the last time you went shopping? Friday

....And The Word Was List....

29 Unusual Lasts:

1. To whom did you last give the finger? Blonde Justice a.k.a. Olivia

2. If you had 1,000 dollars what would you buy?A trip to Chicago…well, part of a trip

3.What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?Coke

4. Are you different now than you were 6 months ago?I don’t know. Probably a bit.

5. Have you been anywhere exciting in the last three days?I’ve been to paradise…but I’ve never been to meeeeeee….

6. What was the last photograph you took?:I don’t take photos. My last attempt was in June at my birthday party

7. Where were you last night around 9:30?:In bed

8. What do you think of guys that wear eyeliner?:I think it’s called guy-liner & on certain men it’s wicked hot, on others it’s super fabulous and on still others it’s stupid

9. How many hours did you last sleep?4

10. Who was the last person to whom you spoke on the phone?Olivia

11. 50 Cent shows up at your door, what do you do?Drop it like it’s hot?

12. How was the last egg you ate prepared?:omelet

13. Where did you last wear sunglasses?:On my face to cover my eyes or on my head to hold back my hair…where do you wear sunglasses?

14. Ever worn your underwear backwards?I’m dyslexic but I’m not that dyslexic

15. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?:I went to a bar a couple of days ago so lots of people

16. Does it bother you when people put && before every sentence and after?I’ve never seen that. Why would anyone do it? It seems like it would annoy me deeply.

17. What animal did you last pet or hold?:My cat, Harvey.

18. What was the last law you broke?Seriously? Is anybody dumb enough to admit to breaking the law in these things?

19. What are you wearing?Jeans, 2 T-Shirts, 1 Sweater and Socks - What? I’m cold. Oh. Wait! I mean Chanel # 5 & a smile. Woops! My bad.

20. What did you think of your last kiss?That was awkward.

21. What was the last newspaper you read or skimmed?:The Washington Post

22. What was the last word written on your hand?It was an apartment # Get your heads out of the gutter. It was for work…I’m a whore, apparently

23. What was the last hair product you used?conditioner

24. What was the last text message you received?“How about Monday at 12:15?”

26. Who was the last person to make you really laugh?:Kevin James

27. To what song did you last sing along?Jane by Barenaked Ladies

28. What was the last musical instrument played in your presence?An I-pod?

29. What was the last superstitious thing you did?Threw salt over my shoulder

Listapalooza

Again I ask, why can't the people who come up with these things count?

40 Things You Have NOT Been Asked In A Survey

1. Do you know anyone in prison? I don’t think so but who friggin’ knows.

2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace? Nope

3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? Last year

4. Do you have a desk in your room? No

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party? No

6. What kind of car do you have? Dirty

7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents? One of my middle names is my great grandmother’s maiden name and my great aunt’s first name. Welcome to the south.

8. Does your first significant other still live in the same town as you? No, thank G-d.

9. Do you throw up gang signs? EAST SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Um, no.

10. Have you ever broken a rib? I chipped one once. Does that count?

11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy? I’m not trans-gendered so I’m gonna’ go with girl!

12. Who is the most spoiled person you know? I decline to answer that question on the grounds that it may cause trouble.

13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love? Can I have both? No? Damn. I would take….wow. I’m shallow.

14. Have you ever been to church? Yes

15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine? No. My grandfather was one and warned me against it.

16. Do you watch the Grammys? No

17. Would you ever work for the border patrol? No

18. Which one word would describe your last relationship? Brief.

19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older then you or 20 years? Well, how old is George Clooney? I’m kidding! Maybe. 2 I suppose.

21. Do you have a porn collection? I think not.

22. How many proms have you been to in your life? Zero.

23. Have you ever been in a interracial relationship? No

25. Are you old enough to vote? Yep

26. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now? No, thank G-d.

28. Do you worry about global warming? Yes

29. Do you like polar bears? They’re my favorite wild animal actually.

30. Have you ever been cheated on? Not that I know of.

31. Do you have any gay/bi friends? No. I believe that gay people are going straight to he---oh, wait. Anne Coulter took over my body for a minute! Yick. Now I smell like crazy!
Yes, I have gay friends. Who doesn’t. If you say you don’t then you probably don’t know shit.

32. What kind of deodorant do you use? Secret

35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true? Yes

37. What's your opinion on gold diggers? Why can‘t I be one? Why?!

38. Are you a country or city boy/girl? I like to be either in the city or in the country. The burbs are neither one thing nor the other. It’s annoying.

39. Is your car a 2002 or higher? No. Bite me.

40. Do you want to hit something? In what sense of the word?

Lists, lists and more lists!

On an up note! I have made a list of things I covet at Target.com which is entitled, appropriately enough, "Things I Covet". Ahhhhhh....lists.....is there anything they can't do?

Edited To Add: Also did one on linensnthings.com. I'm addicted!

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

With apologies to Erin . . . .

Use the first letter of your name to answer these categories:

1. Famous Singer/Band:Aerosmith

2. Four letter word: Avid

3. Street: Amhurst Dr

4. Color: Apple Green

5. Gifts/Presents: Airline Tickets (What? A girl can dream.)

6. Vehicle: Andrea Doria (What? It didn't say it had to be a car. A ship is a vehicle.)

7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Abba CD's (In Sweden...or IKEA)

8. Boy Name: Aidan

9. Girl Name: Anastasia

10. Movie Title: A Streetcar Named Desire

11. Drink: Anisette (sp?)

12. Occupation: Acupuncturist

13. Celebrity: Adrian Brody

14. Magazine: Audubon

15. U.S. City: Anchorage, AK (Twofer!)

16. Pro Sports Teams: Anaheim Ducks (NHL)

17. Fruit: Apricot

18. Reason for Being Late for Work: Accident

19. Something You Throw Away: Ashes

20. Things You Shout: Atta' Boy! (If you lived in the 50's)

21. Cartoon Character: Ariel

I'm either bored or out of my mind (or possibly both)...

Seriously, who made this thing? Why can't they count?

1. How old will you be in five years? 37

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? My co-workers.

3. How tall are you? 5'1” . . . AND A HALF!!

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? Days off?

5. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? The last Die Hard

6. Who was the last person you called? Olivia

7. Who was the last person to call you? Olivia

8. What was the last text message you received? “Unfortunately.” - Patherine Kackard

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? Olivia

10. Would you rather call or text? Text

11. Are you going to give out your cell number here? Nope

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Divorced

13. When is the last time you saw your mom? An hour ago

14. When is the last time you saw your dad? Eleven years ago

15. Have you ever been to a concert? No. I believe that music is the devil’s work.

16. What are you wearing right now? Chanel No. 5 & a smile

18. Where is your favorite place to be? Right now? Bed. Generally? New York.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be? The dentist.

20. Africa-New Zealand-Japan? New Zealand

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? No clue

22. Do you tan or burn? I’ve had two second degree sun burns. You figure it out.

23. What did you fear as a child? Everything

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh? Blades of Glory

25. How many TV's do you have in your house? 3

26. How big is your bed? Queen

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? Laptop

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on? A suit of armor.

29. What color are your sheets? Green check on a white background

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? I have two but I only use one.

31. what is your favorite season? Fall

32. What do you like about fall? The clothes, the temperature, the scenery, the holidays

33. What do you like about winter? It isn’t summer

34. What do you like about the summer? Thunder storms

35. What do you like about spring? My birthday and the weather…in that order.

45. What instant messenger service do you use? I don’t

46. How is your hair currently? Straight and shiny

47. Are you wearing shoes? No

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? Lately? About 4 quarts (the ac is broken in my office)

49. What do you drink in the morning? Water

50. Do you eat breakfast? Only on rare occasions

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? No

52. Do you know how to play poker? Yes

53. Do you like to cuddle? With whom?

54. Do you like hugs or kisses? Seriously?

55. Favorite TV show? Ugly Betty

56. Do you eat dinner out or at home more often? At home

57. What’s your favorite restaurant? It honestly depends on my mood.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yes.

59. Do you want kids? Yes.

60. Have you ever been to a live television show taping? No

61. Have you ever gotten stitches? Yes.

62. Have you ever ridden in a fire truck? Nope

63. Do you prefer the ocean or a pool? Ocean

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat? Window

65. Do you know how to drive a stick? No

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? World Market…anything from World Market

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? No

68. Do you wish on 11:11? Yep

69. Do you get easily embarrassed? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No. We’re just good friends. Why? What have you heard?

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone? London Calling

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little? No

74. What orange object is closest to you right now? My Tide To Go pen

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? No. I’m a bad person.

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Either.

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? I’m allergic to bees so that would definitely kill me. Could I possibly survive the bear attack? I need more info to answer this question.

78. Do you have a car? No. I’m Amish.

79. Are you driving? Right now? No.

80. Do you pump your own gas? Yes, except in LA

81. Can you change the oil on a car? No

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? no

83. Have you ever ran out of gas while in a car? No. Shouldn’t that be “run”?

84. What is your usual bedtime? Oh, that’s cute!

85. What was the last book you read? The Wee Free Men

86. Do you read the newspaper? Sometimes.

87. Do you read magazines? Yes.

89. What do you fear most? Poverty

90. Do you dance in the car? Only the Hula.

91. What radio station did you last listen to? I-Pod.

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you? Spencer Tracey

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper? A phone message at work

94. What is your favorite candle scent? lemon

95. What is your favorite board game? Trivial Pursuit

96. What school are you going to and when does it start? Um. The school of hard knocks?

97. What is your most missed memory in middle school and or high school? Skipping

98. Who was your favorite teacher in middle/high school? Mr. Andrews

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent? 24 hours. It sucked. S-U-C-K-E-D

100. Who was the last person to give you butterflies? I’ve never received a butterfly as a gift. It seems like a cruel thing to do.

You Know The Drill

I’ve been tagged twice! This seems unfair. So, in protest, I shall only respond once. Stick that in your collective pipes and smoke it!

8 Weird Things That You May Not Know About Me:
1. I write poetry. Awesomely bad poetry. Occasionally, if I think it’s funny, I will inflict it on others. This is rare. Please, don’t be frightened.

2. I am deathly afraid of tornadoes. Every time we have any kind of a warning or watch or anything I have a minor panic attack.

3. I can pick things up with my toes. . . and I do.

4. I have to check my bank account balance at least once a day. On vacation? Twice a day. What? I'm bad at math.

5. I love lists. All lists. You are all enablers!

6. I bought a tv over a year ago. It worked for 3 months and then blew. I still have it in my room because every couple of months I become convinced that I can fix it. I spend a couple of hours trying to fix it. I never succeed. PS? I don't know anything about electronics.

7. I collect notebooks. Everywhere I go I buy notebooks but then I don't want to use them because they're so perfect blank. I end up using an old legal pad.

8. I've always wanted a surprise birthday party. I don't know why.

Wisdom Of The Ancients...Or, At Least, The Much Older Than I

As you are all aware, or soon shall be, I love lists. All lists. Sadly, occasionally, you will have to suffer for my amusement. Oh, well. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

So, without further ado, a list I compiled of my favorite quotes. Some have explanations. Some don't. Some are pithy. Some are pissy. It's a crap shoot really.

PS For future reference, the handy clown picture will allert you to the fact that a post was done while in the grip of insomnia. These are, generally, the most trivial of the drivel and should be avoided if at all possible.

It is better to have a permanent income than it is to be fascinating. - Oscar Wilde
(NOTE: Oscar had both there for a while. I wonder if this quote was pre-prison or after. It would be interesting to find out. Unfortunately, I'm lazy. I guess we'll never know.)

Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much. - John Wayne
(NOTE: Advice that neither I nor any of my friends will ever follow.)

Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night.- Philip K Dick

Outside of a dog, a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -
Groucho Marx

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw. - Havelock Ellis

They can conquer who believe they can. - Virgil

If you want to know what G-d thinks of money just look at the people He gives it to. -
Dorothy Parker
(NOTE: If only G-d could dislike me a billion dollars worth....Is it better to be loved by the Lord or rich? Ask Job.)

They sicken of the calm that know the storm. - Dorothy Parker

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. -
Dorothy Parker
(NOTE:Basically, this is how I feel about anything written by Ayn Rand.)

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Romania. - Dorothy Parker

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left. - Oscar Levant

Children are the only form of immortality that we can be sure of. - Peter Ustinov

Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was a suspect. - Stephen Wright

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. - Edward De Bono

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. -
Mel Brooks

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. - W. H. Auden

If you would marry suitably marry your equal. - Ovid

It is a great thing to know your vices. - Cicero
(NOTE: Don't worry. No list of vices to follow...hmmmm...no. No. That's a bad idea. I may be nuts but I'm not stupid.)