Sunday, December 30, 2007

You Only Get Free Cheese In A Mousetrap.

I have received three (3) e-mails in the past two (2) days that assure me that I've won big (BIG) money from a United Kingdom e-mail based lottery that I've never entered. But, hey! That's ok because it was a random drawing from over thirty thousand (30,000) websites. Wow. Ain't that grand? All I need to do to claim this prize money is send them every piece of personal information about myself you could ever think of, including blood type, and copies of my social security card, photo ID and passport. Oh. OK!

My favorite part is that as I don't respond the prize amounts keep increasing. The first "notification" was for a measly two hundred and fifty thousand (250,00) pounds sterling. The second was for five hundred thousand (500,000). The last was for two million five hundred thousand (2,500,000) . Please. I don't get out of bed for that kind of chump change.

Question of the day:

Is anybody that stupid?

Saturday, December 29, 2007

I Love It When You Walk Out Singing The Murders!

Bloody, bloody hell! I love this movie. It's perfection.

I just got back from seeing "Sweeney Todd" and what can I say? I knew I'd probably like it but I loved it to an (almost) sick level. From the openeing shot to the end it's beautiful and gorey and funny and touching and just all things that are to love.

Stephen Sondheim is the king and Tim Burton is a genius.

Best Parts Not Related To What Was Going On On The Screen:
1. The people behind us who left after fifteen minutes because...wait for it...."they keep singing"!
2. My cousin saying she loves a show that leaves you singing the murders.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man's freedom. You can only be free if I am free.

I just completed my phone interview for the union organizer position. The lady who interviewed me was really nice and down to earth and….wants me to come to Chicago for a day of information! If, after that, I’m selected I would do a 3-4 month internship (paid). After that if both I and the organization feel I’m in the right place I would be an organizer and living out of a suitcase. Why? Because I would basically be traveling to wherever the union needs me. I’d be working, during campaigns, every day but, hey, ya’ know what? That’s fine. If you like what you do and you know you’re helping people it wouldn’t suck as much as, say…my last job! Where I worked every day for weeks and wanted to kill people. Sigh. I would be based, at first, out of my home state which is disappointing but, again, I’d never be there.

I am, I must admit, in a quandary. I was offered another position today which is steady work in my hometown and I do need the money. It’s with the District Child Support Agency. So, that is helping people but I’m still torn. I must think.

I’ll keep you updated.

Monday, December 24, 2007

G-d Bless Us, Everyone!

"Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail."

The best first two paragraphs ever written.

Merry Christmas, people!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Seriously? Wait. Hold on. Seriously?

Oh, Crap. Oh, Crap. Oh, Crap!

I applied to be a union organizer in Chicago, IL. I did it as a kind of joke at 3 AM. I wrote a cover letter that I thought was so out there that even an organization that required a personal belief statement with the resume would look at it and go - “Wow. She’s off her nut.” You don’t believe me? Read on! Below you will find the letter in it’s entirety.

To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing in reference to the union organizer position. Attached you will find my resume which includes three (3) references.

After reviewing my resume you may ask yourself one question. Why does this woman want, all of a sudden, to become a union organizer? Well, the answer to that is quite simple. I believe in the dream of America.

I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you do for a living or what your annual income is. You should be treated with respect and given the opportunity to thrive. And, in order to thrive, people need to know that they and their families are taken care of.

Union workers are more likely to have health care benefits. Workers who belong to unions make more money. Workers in union shops operate in healthier, safer environments.

These are all things you know. These are things I know. I would like to stop working for the corporations and start working for the people. The people, in this instance, who take care of everybody else. They take care of us. I’d like to help them take care of themselves.

That, in conclusion, is why I would like to become a union organizer. I believe that everybody has the right to expect a fair shake in this country. And, if they don’t get it, they have the right to fight for it.

If after reviewing the attached information you would like to speak with me about a position, or if you have any questions, I can be reached at (***) ***-****.

Have a lovely day.

Dark Fury (obviously I used my actual name in the cover letter/belief statement)

So, yeah. I’d say that that’s a letter that sticks out. Not necessarily in a good way. Don’t misunderstand me. I mean every word of it. I thought it was a bit strident though. Well, at 3 AM it seemed like a good idea, especially since I never thought they’d get back to me.

WRONG! They want to interview me. Am I in opposite land?

Wow. Maybe they only want to talk to me to mock me? I don’t know. I’m confused. Does that mean I didn’t e-mail them immediately saying I could be there whenever they wanted to see me or was available for a phone interview at their convenience? Not even a little bit.

Two (2) Random Things

1. I want to thank Patherine & Elisa for my Christmas gifts (pictures below). I love them all!

Be Warned-stop-If you recieve one of these-stop-I will write it out like a telegram-full stop

I'm already half way through this. It's amazing. Love!

I straightened my bangs when I got home. So smooth. Sigh.

2. I have come up with alias and super hero names for Erin.

Alias: Little Susie Homemaker

Super Hero Name: Emo Girl

By day she is Little Susie Homemaker, the sweet and good natured wife and mother. By night she is Emo Girl, righter of perkiness and preppie stupidity! With her special power she is able to deflate the ego and sap the happiness of any criminal or ner-do-well that crosses her path by summoning all the angst and depression from every Smiths and Cure song and focusing it in their direction. Luckily her cohorts, Dark Fury, Blonde Justice and Retainer Girl are able to deflect the gloom and doom. How? Blonde Justice, always upbeat and ready for a laugh, merely forms a force field of fun. Retainer Girl is so geeky she doesn’t really get what the big deal is and ignores it. And Dark Fury is only made stronger by any and all dark emotion and, in fact, finds the song “Girlfriend in a Coma” hysterically funny.

The Emo Girl: A Chocolate Napoleon Filled W/A Mixture of Coffee Whipped Cream & Crushed Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans

Monday, December 17, 2007

Three (3) Random Things

I was, again, informed I don't blog enough so here are three (3) random things. Enjoy!

A. I joined facebook today because I wanted to see what everybody was talking about (and you have to join to browse).

B. Since I will never be on Inside The Actors Studio I've decided to answer the questionnaire here. It's the best part of the program anyway. I will point out that I loathe James Lipton. He's noxious.

What is your favorite word? Facetious
What is your least favorite word? Phlegm
What turns you on? Humor
What turns you off? Injustice and bad movies.
What sound or noise do you love? Laughter and puppies breathing.
What sound or noise do you hate? Car alarms and any loud bang (like a car backfiring).
What is your favorite curse word? Fuck in all it's various incarnations.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Pastry Chef
What profession would you not like to do? Embalmer
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Well, that was silly. Ready to go again?

C. I came up with part of a menu for my (imaginary) pastry shop, Daly Bread. Half the proceeds from anything off this part of the menu would go to local law enforcement. It's the take a bite out of crime (clever!) side of the bill.

1. The Dark Fury: Devil's Food Cake layered w/Chocolate Mousse and covered in Dark Chocolate/Chile Ganache
2. The Blonde Justice: Key Lime/Sour Cream Pound Cake w/a Lemon Glaze
3. The Retainer Girl: Sticky Toffee Brownies w/Caramel Sauce Swirl
4. The Red Fire: Cinnamon Creme Brule
5. The Star F*cker: Star Anise Cannoli

There ya' go. I blogged!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I Stole This From Erin. I'm A Stealer!

My Personal DNA:

You are a Dreamer

Your combination of abstract thinking, appreciation of beauty, and cautiousness makes you a DREAMER.

You often imagine how things could be better, and you have very specific visions of this different future.

Beauty and style are important to you, and you have a discerning eye when it comes to how things look.

Although you often think more broadly, you prefer comfort to adventure, choosing to stay within the boundaries of your current situation.

Your preferences for artistic works are very refined, although you vastly prefer some types and styles to others.

Though your dreams are quite vivid, you are cautious in following up on them.

You are aware of both your positive and negative qualities, so that your ego doesn't get in your way.

A sense of vulnerability sometimes holds you back, stifling your creative tendencies.

You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.

You are Advocating

Being social, empathic, and understanding makes you ADVOCATING.

Some people find being around others exhausting—but not you! You are energized by spending time with friends, and you are good at meeting new people.

One of the reasons you enjoy conversation as much as you do is that you often learn about yourself while talking things out with a friend; you realize things about your own beliefs while discussing them with others.

You have insight into what others are thinking and feeling. This ability allows you to be happy for others, and to commiserate when something has gone wrong for them.

You are highly compassionate, and being conscious of how things affect those close to you leaves you cautious about trusting others too hastily.

Despite these reservations, you are open-minded when it comes to your worldview; you don't look to impose your ways on others.

Your sensitivity towards others' plights contributes to an understanding—both intellectual and emotional—of many different perspectives.

As someone who understands the complexities of the world around you, you are reluctant to pass judgments.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Taurus and we’re skeptical.

Aries Horoscope
(Mar 21 - Apr 19)

Your emotions burn deeper now with Venus and the Moon in your 8th House of Intimacy, and this makes you a bit uncomfortable. It's not that you are unwilling to express your feelings; it's just that you aren‘t willing to articulate them. Do you see the difference? Yeah. Neither do we. Just spit it out and stop being so damn closed off. It isn’t funny and it isn’t clever.

Taurus Horoscope
(Apr 20 - May 20)
With loving Venus in Scorpio opposite your sign, you become more concerned with your most intimate relationships. Issues regarding matters of the heart can be a recurring source of discussion, yet this is not light and easy stuff. But since you are not a person who enjoys “light and easy” it should work out. You are, as they say, dark and twisty and should, again, as they say, work what yer’ mama gave ya’! Who is this they and are they a Taurus?

Gemini Horoscope
(May 21 - Jun 20)

Although you are even more ready than usual to do fun things with your friends, a different aspect of your life is surfacing. A different personality, if you will. Gemini, Gemini, Gemini…therapy isn’t something to be ashamed of. When a person needs help or, sorry, when persons need help they should ask for it. After all, therapy can be fun too! There are dolls to show where the bad man hurt you and fun(ish) ink blot games. Yippee!

Cancer Horoscope
(June 21 - Jul 22)
Inspiration can motivate you, especially at work, but it's hard to know how assertive you should be now (TIP: Don‘t bitch slap anybody no matter how tempting it may seem. Legal action is not your friend.). You can see the big picture in ways that often elude you. Don't ignore important details, but remember that not everybody has been mainlining caffeine for the past two days. They may need rest while you are happy and perky and ready to rock it all night till the project gets done. Don’t torture your staff (friends, mate, pets, etc.). If you want to stay up for three days feel free. But just remember, there’s a fine line between being enthusiastic and having a manic episode. One leads to promotion. One leads to a jail in Tiajuana. . . Do you speak Spanish?

Leo Horoscope
(Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Your emotional needs can be more intense than others realize, especially if you are too willing to make light of them when you are frustrated. On the surface, all seems well with you. You appear to be fully engaged with your life. But deeper down you can hear your own desires speaking from the recesses of your heart. Listen carefully, for they can lead you to what's next. The voices have good ideas sometimes. Then again, if the voice isn’t coming from your heart or your gut but, oh, let’s say….your dog, just as a for instance, you should ignore it. Ignore it! Walk away. . .straight to the nearest hospital and ask for a thorazine drip.

Virgo Horoscope
(Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Something may be bothering you, even if you are holding on to the pleasures in life. Your malaise may not be strong enough for you to make significant changes, but you'll have to handle an upwelling of passion that has nowhere to go. Don't push for resolution; delaying emotional decisions for a few days may be a smart move. Just stamp those feelings down. Deep down in your gut where you never have to think about what’s bothering you. This is the best plan because you, dear Virgo, hate a mess and, while our plan may lead to ulcers and colon cancer it won’t lead to anything icky…like emotions.

Libra Horoscope
(Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You may be more socially aware than others because you inherently understand the balance needed for harmony in relationships. This weekend, however, your patience may wear thin as Venus puts you in touch with your own needs. Why should you always be the one looking after the drunk at the party? When is it your turn to be the UN-designated driver? When will it be all about you?! Well, dear Libra, if you want that lime light you may have to rip it out of someone’s cold, dead hand. Got a problem with that this weekend? We didn’t think so.

Scorpio Horoscope
(Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Your emotional needs could be even more demanding now than usual, yet you still might find what you want. The key to your current success lies in the unconventional approach you take to expressing your feelings. Others may enjoy your frankness and originality. While still others are less than impressed with your semaphore skills and feel that the flag display is just one more way to hide your true emotions about that fight about that hat by the place that you went that time. You know the place with the lady who had the nose? Next to the place with the door? Hmmmm….maybe they’re right. You may still be hiding behind the flags but at least you’ve stopped using mime. One step at a time, dear Scorpio. One step at a time.

Sagittarius Horoscope
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Your romantic inclinations turn spiritual or, at least, more altruistic as Venus enters your 12th House of Destiny. The emotional payoff could be worth taking a risk, not that you need much encouragement. You’re always willing to go out on a limb for your one true love of the moment. The fact that it never seems to work out doesn’t concern you. Just try not to give out your PIN this weekend or wads of cash. Unless, of course, you believe that this one is the one…which you do…again….so, ya’ know what? Never mind.

Capricorn Horoscope
(Dec 22 - Jan 19)

You may feel pressure to go along with change, especially as you realize how much is actually beyond your control. Letting go is easy if you are secure in your own world. But you could overreact out of fear, attempting to keep your life from falling apart. Take a deep breath. Now, take another. Into a paper bag if you must. Put down the baseball bat. Put it down! There. Don’t you feel better? It’s all going to work out. So what if all your friends have dropped you, your wife has walked out and your dog is giving you the stink eye? Now, cowboy up and stop being such a friggin’ wuss!

Aquarius Horoscope
(Jan 20 - Feb 18)

Your philosophical perspective helps you to detach from your emotions. You may be ready for all the changes that you see coming, especially if they offer you additional freedom. But if dependency issues arise as Venus moves through Scorpio, don't push them away. Facing your feelings can help you when it’s time to disregard them. You know what you want and you know what’s practical. When have you ever gone practical? Well, get ready for it. You have run smack into practical decision land this weekend. It’s scary but it’ll be over my Tuesday and back to all systems flighty. Just hang on till then.

Pisces Horoscope
(Feb 19 - Mar 20)
The confusing mists are clearing and you are standing out in the clear sunlight of awareness. For now, you can see exactly what is going on. Unfortunately, this may mean that you have some hard work ahead of you. But the good news is that, as usual, you can just ignore it. If you ignore it someone else will come along to clean up after you. If not? Well, it’s clearly their fault for not taking care of it! How dare they not take care of you! The nerve.

People (don't always) Make Me Sad

Ricky Gervais. What can I say? The man is a damn genius. If you haven't seen The Office (UK) or Extras you must. That's just it.