Wednesday, November 28, 2007

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like . . . Late November?

Seriously? Isn't November 28 a little friggin' early to air "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"? Do I walk alone in this belief?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Welcome To Procrastination Station! May I See Your Ticket?

If anyone is wondering what to get me for the holidays I have a list on I'm just sayin'. . . ya' know . . . whatever. It's three pages long so you might want to grab a snack before visiting.

I'm super excited because for once I'm getting prepared ahead of time! I've already purchased, written and addressed my holiday cards. I just need to stamp them and throw them in the mail.* I've also finished shopping for three people. This doesn't sound like much, I know. However, when you think that usually I don't remember to send cards and am still shopping on Christmas eve I'm doing pretty damn well.

Of course I'm doing this to avoid writing so, all in all, I'm a slacker but hey! That's my business.

*Olivia and Katherine, don't worry, you're getting seperate cards because you're not a couple. We know.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

....And The Word Was (For The Last Time...For A While) List....

What was the worst name people called you in school?:

What is your religion or personal beliefs?:
I am a Jew who doesn't believe in organized religion.

How many times per day do you think about sex?:
Depends on the day and who crosses my path

Do you think you are confident?:

What is your goal this year?:
1. Finish book (30 days? Ha!) 2. Go On Vacation 3. Stop Commuting

Describe the person of your dreams.:
fall down funny, smart, tall(er than me...height is relative), rich as Roosevelt (what? a girl can dream!)

Have you ever had an unhealthy obsession? If so, what?:
Yes. Once I start drinking orange juice I can't stop until it's gone. I'm an orange juice addict. I can't keep it in the house. I have to buy it one small carton at a time. The sad part? I'm not kidding.

Have you ever seen a therapist?:
Yes and, if I may, duh.

How many medications do you take per day?:
None. Scary ain't it?

How do you sleep?:
On my stomach.

What was the last thing you dreamt and remember?:
I had a dream that I was in jail for some small offense and my two oldest friends kept coming by to tell me they were going to break me out but they never did. Slackers!

What is your talent?:
I'm a triple threat, baby! I can bitch, moan . . . and sing.

Do you ever think about an ex?:

Are you superstitious?:

What is your feelings about marriage?:
Do you mean what are my feelings about marriage? If so, I say go for it.

What was the last thing you ate?:
A sandwich

What turns you on?:
humour, intelligence and a good head of hair don't hurt

How do you look for someone to date?:
I don't

Do you believe in fate?:

How did your parents meet?:
They worked at the same hotel. They were introduced by their boss. My father then sang "Garcia. I just met a girl named Garcia." And, for some reason, she still married him.

Have you ever taken an inkblot test?:
Yes...they all looked like ink blots. It was great!

They say everyone has a muse. Who is yours?:
Who says that? Who is this "they" you speak of?

Last thing you drank.:

Do you have strong values?:

How tall are you?:
5"1' and a half

What animal are you?:
Um....a human?

What fruit is your favorite?:

When did you first start using the Internet?:

What does your screen name or email address stand for or mean?:
Dark Fury is my super hero name

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?:

Who was the last person you text messaged?:
Liv a.k.a. Blonde Justice

What is the last picture you took on your cellphone of?:
Seriously? Stop making surveys and take an English class.

Do you have any scars?:

Do you consider yourself a lucky person?:

What comes to mind when I say "nipple"?:
Kevin...if you know him you know why.

What is in the back of your mind right now?:
My skull

What is your IQ?:
I don't know. When I was twelve it was 145.

Are your nails long or short?:

What noise do you hear right now?:
The Rat Pack x-mas album

What room are you in?:
my bedroom

Do you have a crush or desire someone right now?:
Yes, Craig Ferguson. Wait. You mean people I know? No.

Are you single?:

Are you diagnosed with any disorders?:

What was the last time you were in Walmart?:
3 or 4 years ago

What was the last thing you bought?:

What is on your Christmas list so far?:
Dinner For 5 the complete series

What are you craving?:

What cereal do you eat?:
hot: apple oatmeal cold: raisin bran crunch

Name a prank you did once on someone.:

Last thing you laughed at?:
My answer to the last question. I amuse myself, the hell with everybody else!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

....And The Word Was (Yet Again) List....

1. Honestly, how many people have you had "STRONG" feelings for? Well, are we including the people I loathe and despise? If so…..many….

2. Honestly, what color is your shirt? Black

3. Honestly, what's on your mind? Avoiding writing

4. Honestly, what are you doing right now? Avoiding writing

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? Yes, avoided writing

7. Honestly, do you watch Wild n' Out? No idea what this is.

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes, all those people who are bitching because they’re “only” at 45K words….bastards!

9. Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time? My mother…mostly….except when she doesn’t

10. Honestly, do you have deep secrets? Yes. I’m actually a skinhead from Perth and born under a bad sign. Also, I was abducted by aliens - and now they never call!

11. Honestly, when is the last time you have been to tesco? Never

12. Honestly, are you mean? Not as mean as I used to be.
13. Honestly, who did you copy and paste this from? Sarah

14. Honestly, where would you rather be right now? St. Maarten

15. Honestly, do you like someone.? Not particularly.

16. Honestly, who was the last person to text you? Liv

17. Honestly, is there anything currently annoying you? Yes, see numbers 3 and 4

18. Honestly, what was the last thing you ate? Toast

19. Honestly, have you gone out of your way to make a new friend? I don’t think so.

20. Honestly, do you shower? Yes
21. Honestly, are you happy? Right now? Well, I’m not sad and I’m not ecstatic. I’m OK.

22. Honestly, ever made anyone cry? Yes

23. Honestly, have you ever cried over someone? Yes. I’m not a robot.

24. Honestly, have you ever cried yourself to sleep? See #23

25. Honestly, have you kissed someone of the same sex this week? No

26. Honestly, when was the last time you hugged or kissed someone? Last Sunday

27. Honestly, when was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Last Sunday

28. Honestly, are you normally a happy person? Not usually. But I make up for it with my sparkling wit and devastating good looks!

29. Honestly, what makes you mad? Injustice and bad movies

30. Honestly, does being with your friends make you happy? Usually, yes (collective “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”)

31. Honestly, do you believe in yourself? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Not lately.

32. Honestly, are you annoying to people? Very probably.

33. Honestly, is cheating acceptable? No. If you don’t want to be with someone leave them don’t cheat. Cheating is vulgar.

34. Honestly, was this survey any good? Eh. It’ll do.

35. Honestly, have you hugged a girl this week? No

36. Honestly, are you a relationship person? Not lately but, in general, yes.

37. Honestly, do you own a box of condoms? No

38. Honestly, who was the last person you hugged? Hans

39. Honestly, when is the last time you went shopping? Friday

I'm Not A Robot

Go to this site. Build your vocabulary for a good cause.

....And The Word Was List....

29 Unusual Lasts:

1. To whom did you last give the finger? Blonde Justice a.k.a. Olivia

2. If you had 1,000 dollars what would you buy?A trip to Chicago…well, part of a trip

3.What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?Coke

4. Are you different now than you were 6 months ago?I don’t know. Probably a bit.

5. Have you been anywhere exciting in the last three days?I’ve been to paradise…but I’ve never been to meeeeeee….

6. What was the last photograph you took?:I don’t take photos. My last attempt was in June at my birthday party

7. Where were you last night around 9:30?:In bed

8. What do you think of guys that wear eyeliner?:I think it’s called guy-liner & on certain men it’s wicked hot, on others it’s super fabulous and on still others it’s stupid

9. How many hours did you last sleep?4

10. Who was the last person to whom you spoke on the phone?Olivia

11. 50 Cent shows up at your door, what do you do?Drop it like it’s hot?

12. How was the last egg you ate prepared?:omelet

13. Where did you last wear sunglasses?:On my face to cover my eyes or on my head to hold back my hair…where do you wear sunglasses?

14. Ever worn your underwear backwards?I’m dyslexic but I’m not that dyslexic

15. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?:I went to a bar a couple of days ago so lots of people

16. Does it bother you when people put && before every sentence and after?I’ve never seen that. Why would anyone do it? It seems like it would annoy me deeply.

17. What animal did you last pet or hold?:My cat, Harvey.

18. What was the last law you broke?Seriously? Is anybody dumb enough to admit to breaking the law in these things?

19. What are you wearing?Jeans, 2 T-Shirts, 1 Sweater and Socks - What? I’m cold. Oh. Wait! I mean Chanel # 5 & a smile. Woops! My bad.

20. What did you think of your last kiss?That was awkward.

21. What was the last newspaper you read or skimmed?:The Washington Post

22. What was the last word written on your hand?It was an apartment # Get your heads out of the gutter. It was for work…I’m a whore, apparently

23. What was the last hair product you used?conditioner

24. What was the last text message you received?“How about Monday at 12:15?”

26. Who was the last person to make you really laugh?:Kevin James

27. To what song did you last sing along?Jane by Barenaked Ladies

28. What was the last musical instrument played in your presence?An I-pod?

29. What was the last superstitious thing you did?Threw salt over my shoulder

Monday, November 12, 2007

Little by little, one travels far.

Two Random Things:

1.) I've decided to plan a trip to Chicago. I feel the need to check it out. I also feel the need to stay in the hotel below. It just looks cool...what? I'm shallow. Surprise, surprise, surprise! It's cheaper to visit Chicago when it's cold as three hells. Imagine that. I think I can pay a bit more to go in May and pray that spring will have sprung.

2.) I'm currently watching "America's Psychic Challenge". What's wrong with me?

Friday, November 9, 2007

Another Thing I Want

This dress . . . . But, dammit, I suppose there are a few things I'll have to lose first before I can find this. Oh, well, it's still wicked cute.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

My Mother and Revisionist History

I was talking to my mother about the pastry school and Second City and what do you know? Apparently my mother is under the impression that she told me a long time ago, 1994 to be precise, that I should either go to Northwestern or just forget college and move to Chicago to study improv/theatre. Um, yeah. What? ‘Scuse me? At what point did my mother tell me this? Answer? Never. Unless, of course, I have early onset Alzheimer’s and just forgot. Wow. That must be what happened. Sucks to be me.

I love my mother to little bits and pieces, truly, however she’s a nut. I’m just trying to imagine the words “forget college” coming out of her mouth and, let me tell ya’, it ain’t happening. I do recall her telling me to apply to Radford as a last resort school…that could, I suppose, be construed as telling me to forget college but, I assure you, Chicago was never mentioned. What’s next? Is she going to tell me that my father is actually Elvis but I knew that, right? That she’s a Republican and thinks GW is doing just a super job? Is she going to deny the holocaust and tell me she always felt that way and what made me think we were Jews?! Jesus.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Things I've Always Wanted To Do

It has been my dream since, well, birth to go toThe Second City. I always thought that if I took one day of one class there I'd be able to figure out if I was really funny. Hell, I think if I go to a show I could figure it out just by observing what is considered funny. I know. I know. You all think I'm funny. Thank you. Thank you and I don't care. Not to be rude but I need to know if I'm a specific kind of funny. I fear the answer which is why I've never been to Second City. Not even to a show. I fear the Second City...and I long for it. Go figure.

If you're going to be a pastry chef you should be trained by the best. This school is the best. I've been thinking, on and off, about being a pastry chef since 2001. I don't know why. Everybody loves pastry and bread...well, not everybody but those people are friggin' scary so I'm not counting them...and I'm no exception. I would love to have my own bakery. I've always thought that would be the best job (outside of being funny for a living). I know it's wicked hard work and that you have to wake up at, what? 2 AM? Whatever. Don't care. It would be great. That's all.

1.) Why does everything cost $22K? Why?! OK. If you follow the link to Second City that doesn't cost that much BUT that's only the weekend workshop. If you want to do all the classes it adds up to about $22K. Joy.

2.) Why are the two things I want to do in the coldest city I can think of? Do I like the cold? No. No. I don't. I'm cold when it's 65 out! Life is cruel.