Monday, June 23, 2008

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin

This is the first comedy album I ever listened to. I can probably still recite most of it. That's all I have to say about that.

"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work." George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam." George Carlin

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose." George Carlin

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood." George Carlin

"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it." George Carlin

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." George Carlin

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Chivalry isn’t dead it’s just taking a very long nap.

I went to DC on Monday for a job interview (see post below). As we all know, I imagine, I have no sense of direction. If it isn’t on or near 14th , G or H St then I have no idea where it is. Now, given an hour or so, I can usually find it. It just takes a while.

On Monday the traffic was, in a word, sucky. No. It was beyond sucky to horrendous. I left at 8 and got into DC at 10:15. My interview was at 11. So, knowing that I have no sense of direction, I decided to park and take a cab to my destination.

I found a parking garage. I paid the nice man (not sarcasm, surprisingly), left my key and ran to the corner. I then proceeded to get passed by about six taxis.

Finally, after what felt like a year (keep in mind it was about 90 degrees and I panic if I think I’m going to be late), a taxi pulled over in front of me. Jubilation! Wait. No. Not jubilation. Wailing and gnashing of teeth! The cab had pulled up for a man in a grey suit standing behind me. Great, I thought, just perfect. I turned back to the street so that I could try and flag another cab.

Before I could raise my arm the man standing behind me tapped me on the shoulder. I turned; ready to be venomous to this usurper of transport. He smiled and held open the cab door.

“Take this one. I have time.”

I was stunned. Literally. I could feel my mouth start to hang open like a slack jawed yokel. I stopped it just in time. I said thank you, most politely, as I (attempted) to slide into the seat. Sadly, my perfect and graceful entrance was ruined by the fact that my shoe fell off as I was getting in. I grabbed it and attempted to fling it in to the cab without anyone noticing. As if. He held the door for me the entire time. I said thanks again.

“You have a nice day, miss.”

Then he shut the door and I was off. I arrived at my interview at 10:30. Thirty minutes to spare!

Thank you, Mister Grey Suit, wherever you are. If ever I think it’s time to give up on men and become a nun (would a convent take a Jewish girl?) I shall remember you came along and saved the day. Well done, sir. Well done.

9:30 This Morning

I’ve been looking for another (full-time, benefit offering) job. So far it’s going in a pretty weird and diverse direction. I’ve applied to be an application adjudicator for INS, an administrative assistant for the newsroom at NPR and for a full-time gig at my current place of employment (I shan’t hold my breath).

The first place I applied was at INS. Wow. It takes a while to get approved to even send in a resume to the Fed. First I had to take the test. I scored well. If I hadn’t you’d know I was clinically brain dead and that it was time to pull life-support. That was in May. I just got the results from the test yesterday. It came with instructions to fax over my resume. After they receive my resume they will look it over and, if anything is available and my skills meet what they’re looking for and nobody else scored higher than me, give me a call. Then, of course, there’s the poly (Would you allow known terrorists into the country and give them directions to Shoney’s and a star map? Um…no?). After that there is the clearance investigation (To your knowledge has she ever provided a known terrorist or illegal with directions to the nearest Shoney’s…and a star map? Um…no?). After that there is the physical and drug testing (If you saw a known terrorist or illegal running with a star map in hand to the nearest Shoney’s would you be able to outrun them? Um…no? Is that because of all the crack? Um…no?). Then, maybe, they’ll offer me a job. It’s a crap shoot.

Then I got a call from NPR. I applied there a long time ago. Who remembers when? Not me. I’ve been applying there and at PBS for years so it could have been at any time. I got that e-mail on Thursday of last week and went in for the interview on Monday. I think it went well but I’ve thought that before and never heard from the company again. Keep your fingers crossed. I want that one. They said they’d be able to let me know in about a week and a half to two weeks. I feel pretty good about it as out of six hundred applications they chose to interview six people. I was the first interview which makes me nervous. I prefer to be the last. That way my sparkling wit and personality are still fresh when they make their decision. Oh, well. You can’t have everything in this life, I suppose. Why not? Because if you had everything you ever wanted handed to you you’d be an obnoxious little weed like, oh, I don’t know…just off the top of my head…Paris Hilton.

As for my current place of employment? I have an interview there on Thursday. It’s not much money but it is a permanent full-time position with benefits. I enjoy what I do there but this would be different. I don’t know. I’ll take it if it’s offered and I can’t get anything else. They’ve irritated me with their stance that I’m unqualified to do my current job. The bloom is off the rose. What can ya’ do? Suck it up and move on, I guess.

So, that’s what’s going on in my world. How are things with you?

Saturday, June 7, 2008

DO NOT Rent This.

Seriously. I don't have words to explain the utter, well, badness of this movie. It's horrible. G-d offal, really.
It hurts me to say it but it's true.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Rent This.

I know, I know. You think you won't enjoy it. You think I only enjoyed it because it has 4 things going for it that I enjoy anyway.
A. Vince Vaughn
B. Comedy
C. Documentary
and, of course,
D. Vince Vaughn
You are wrong. Rent it. Is it the best movie ever? No. Obviously not. Is it well worth your time? Yes, if only for the extras.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

"They can conquer who believe they can." - Virgil

EDITED TO ADD: Yes, I know today is the fourth. Due to the storm on the third I was unable to post the below.

Journal Entry - 6/3

Today I went to work. I sat in my office. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something move.

Oh, how I wish I'd been having a psychotic break. There was a large, ugly, vile, foul, disgusting and other adjectives which are synonyms for horrible things as well spider sitting in the middle of my desk. I jumped up and ran out of my office to find something heavy with which to murder, smash, kill and wallop it. When I got back it was gone.

I looked but I couldn't find it. I could, however, feel it looking at me. Hiding. Waiting for it's moment. Biding it's time. Ready to strike.

I text messaged a couple of friends to share my horror. One felt my pain. One wrote back and told me that no matter where I am I'm never more than five feet from a spider. Always. I contemplated this. I decided that he is a bastard and deleted him from my phone book.

Paranoid for the rest of the day. Conclusion? Let constant vigilance be your motto.

Monday, June 2, 2008

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.”- F. L. Wright

Above: A Craftsman Style Bungalow a.k.a The Perfect Home

I must stop watching HGTV. It just makes me bitter. All the wrong people have all the money. And by that I mean all the people with horrible taste.

Somebody, please, tell me why a single person needs a 3000 sf home. Please! I need to know. You have four kids? OK. Fine. I'll give ya' that that amount of space is desirable (not necessary). But a single person? Come on!

Why do they all choose the mcmansion? If I see one more show where they pass up a pristine original craftsman style bungalow for a trashy, may as well be a pre-fab 4000 sf behemoth because they "need" the space I shall scream. Scream, I tell you!

How much crap do you have? Do you need it all? No. No, you don't. But, please, continue to spend millions of dollars on houses that won't last for more than fifteen years. Go for it. Sound investment. Well done.