Aries Horoscope
(Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Your emotions burn deeper now with Venus and the Moon in your 8th House of Intimacy, and this makes you a bit uncomfortable. It's not that you are unwilling to express your feelings; it's just that you aren‘t willing to articulate them. Do you see the difference? Yeah. Neither do we. Just spit it out and stop being so damn closed off. It isn’t funny and it isn’t clever.
(Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Your emotions burn deeper now with Venus and the Moon in your 8th House of Intimacy, and this makes you a bit uncomfortable. It's not that you are unwilling to express your feelings; it's just that you aren‘t willing to articulate them. Do you see the difference? Yeah. Neither do we. Just spit it out and stop being so damn closed off. It isn’t funny and it isn’t clever.
Taurus Horoscope
(Apr 20 - May 20)
With loving Venus in Scorpio opposite your sign, you become more concerned with your most intimate relationships. Issues regarding matters of the heart can be a recurring source of discussion, yet this is not light and easy stuff. But since you are not a person who enjoys “light and easy” it should work out. You are, as they say, dark and twisty and should, again, as they say, work what yer’ mama gave ya’! Who is this they and are they a Taurus?
(Apr 20 - May 20)
With loving Venus in Scorpio opposite your sign, you become more concerned with your most intimate relationships. Issues regarding matters of the heart can be a recurring source of discussion, yet this is not light and easy stuff. But since you are not a person who enjoys “light and easy” it should work out. You are, as they say, dark and twisty and should, again, as they say, work what yer’ mama gave ya’! Who is this they and are they a Taurus?
Gemini Horoscope
(May 21 - Jun 20)
Although you are even more ready than usual to do fun things with your friends, a different aspect of your life is surfacing. A different personality, if you will. Gemini, Gemini, Gemini…therapy isn’t something to be ashamed of. When a person needs help or, sorry, when persons need help they should ask for it. After all, therapy can be fun too! There are dolls to show where the bad man hurt you and fun(ish) ink blot games. Yippee!
(May 21 - Jun 20)
Although you are even more ready than usual to do fun things with your friends, a different aspect of your life is surfacing. A different personality, if you will. Gemini, Gemini, Gemini…therapy isn’t something to be ashamed of. When a person needs help or, sorry, when persons need help they should ask for it. After all, therapy can be fun too! There are dolls to show where the bad man hurt you and fun(ish) ink blot games. Yippee!
Cancer Horoscope
(June 21 - Jul 22)
Inspiration can motivate you, especially at work, but it's hard to know how assertive you should be now (TIP: Don‘t bitch slap anybody no matter how tempting it may seem. Legal action is not your friend.). You can see the big picture in ways that often elude you. Don't ignore important details, but remember that not everybody has been mainlining caffeine for the past two days. They may need rest while you are happy and perky and ready to rock it all night till the project gets done. Don’t torture your staff (friends, mate, pets, etc.). If you want to stay up for three days feel free. But just remember, there’s a fine line between being enthusiastic and having a manic episode. One leads to promotion. One leads to a jail in Tiajuana. . . Do you speak Spanish?
(June 21 - Jul 22)
Inspiration can motivate you, especially at work, but it's hard to know how assertive you should be now (TIP: Don‘t bitch slap anybody no matter how tempting it may seem. Legal action is not your friend.). You can see the big picture in ways that often elude you. Don't ignore important details, but remember that not everybody has been mainlining caffeine for the past two days. They may need rest while you are happy and perky and ready to rock it all night till the project gets done. Don’t torture your staff (friends, mate, pets, etc.). If you want to stay up for three days feel free. But just remember, there’s a fine line between being enthusiastic and having a manic episode. One leads to promotion. One leads to a jail in Tiajuana. . . Do you speak Spanish?
Leo Horoscope
(Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Your emotional needs can be more intense than others realize, especially if you are too willing to make light of them when you are frustrated. On the surface, all seems well with you. You appear to be fully engaged with your life. But deeper down you can hear your own desires speaking from the recesses of your heart. Listen carefully, for they can lead you to what's next. The voices have good ideas sometimes. Then again, if the voice isn’t coming from your heart or your gut but, oh, let’s say….your dog, just as a for instance, you should ignore it. Ignore it! Walk away. . .straight to the nearest hospital and ask for a thorazine drip.
(Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Your emotional needs can be more intense than others realize, especially if you are too willing to make light of them when you are frustrated. On the surface, all seems well with you. You appear to be fully engaged with your life. But deeper down you can hear your own desires speaking from the recesses of your heart. Listen carefully, for they can lead you to what's next. The voices have good ideas sometimes. Then again, if the voice isn’t coming from your heart or your gut but, oh, let’s say….your dog, just as a for instance, you should ignore it. Ignore it! Walk away. . .straight to the nearest hospital and ask for a thorazine drip.
Virgo Horoscope
(Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Something may be bothering you, even if you are holding on to the pleasures in life. Your malaise may not be strong enough for you to make significant changes, but you'll have to handle an upwelling of passion that has nowhere to go. Don't push for resolution; delaying emotional decisions for a few days may be a smart move. Just stamp those feelings down. Deep down in your gut where you never have to think about what’s bothering you. This is the best plan because you, dear Virgo, hate a mess and, while our plan may lead to ulcers and colon cancer it won’t lead to anything icky…like emotions.
(Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Something may be bothering you, even if you are holding on to the pleasures in life. Your malaise may not be strong enough for you to make significant changes, but you'll have to handle an upwelling of passion that has nowhere to go. Don't push for resolution; delaying emotional decisions for a few days may be a smart move. Just stamp those feelings down. Deep down in your gut where you never have to think about what’s bothering you. This is the best plan because you, dear Virgo, hate a mess and, while our plan may lead to ulcers and colon cancer it won’t lead to anything icky…like emotions.
Libra Horoscope
(Sep 23 - Oct 22)
You may be more socially aware than others because you inherently understand the balance needed for harmony in relationships. This weekend, however, your patience may wear thin as Venus puts you in touch with your own needs. Why should you always be the one looking after the drunk at the party? When is it your turn to be the UN-designated driver? When will it be all about you?! Well, dear Libra, if you want that lime light you may have to rip it out of someone’s cold, dead hand. Got a problem with that this weekend? We didn’t think so.
(Sep 23 - Oct 22)
You may be more socially aware than others because you inherently understand the balance needed for harmony in relationships. This weekend, however, your patience may wear thin as Venus puts you in touch with your own needs. Why should you always be the one looking after the drunk at the party? When is it your turn to be the UN-designated driver? When will it be all about you?! Well, dear Libra, if you want that lime light you may have to rip it out of someone’s cold, dead hand. Got a problem with that this weekend? We didn’t think so.
Scorpio Horoscope
(Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Your emotional needs could be even more demanding now than usual, yet you still might find what you want. The key to your current success lies in the unconventional approach you take to expressing your feelings. Others may enjoy your frankness and originality. While still others are less than impressed with your semaphore skills and feel that the flag display is just one more way to hide your true emotions about that fight about that hat by the place that you went that time. You know the place with the lady who had the nose? Next to the place with the door? Hmmmm….maybe they’re right. You may still be hiding behind the flags but at least you’ve stopped using mime. One step at a time, dear Scorpio. One step at a time.
Sagittarius Horoscope
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Your romantic inclinations turn spiritual or, at least, more altruistic as Venus enters your 12th House of Destiny. The emotional payoff could be worth taking a risk, not that you need much encouragement. You’re always willing to go out on a limb for your one true love of the moment. The fact that it never seems to work out doesn’t concern you. Just try not to give out your PIN this weekend or wads of cash. Unless, of course, you believe that this one is the one…which you do…again….so, ya’ know what? Never mind.
Capricorn Horoscope
(Dec 22 - Jan 19)
You may feel pressure to go along with change, especially as you realize how much is actually beyond your control. Letting go is easy if you are secure in your own world. But you could overreact out of fear, attempting to keep your life from falling apart. Take a deep breath. Now, take another. Into a paper bag if you must. Put down the baseball bat. Put it down! There. Don’t you feel better? It’s all going to work out. So what if all your friends have dropped you, your wife has walked out and your dog is giving you the stink eye? Now, cowboy up and stop being such a friggin’ wuss!
Aquarius Horoscope
(Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Your philosophical perspective helps you to detach from your emotions. You may be ready for all the changes that you see coming, especially if they offer you additional freedom. But if dependency issues arise as Venus moves through Scorpio, don't push them away. Facing your feelings can help you when it’s time to disregard them. You know what you want and you know what’s practical. When have you ever gone practical? Well, get ready for it. You have run smack into practical decision land this weekend. It’s scary but it’ll be over my Tuesday and back to all systems flighty. Just hang on till then.
Pisces Horoscope
(Feb 19 - Mar 20)
The confusing mists are clearing and you are standing out in the clear sunlight of awareness. For now, you can see exactly what is going on. Unfortunately, this may mean that you have some hard work ahead of you. But the good news is that, as usual, you can just ignore it. If you ignore it someone else will come along to clean up after you. If not? Well, it’s clearly their fault for not taking care of it! How dare they not take care of you! The nerve.
2 comments:
Yay! Adrienne is back! Yaaaaaaay!
I love it when you do these.
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