"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin

This is the first comedy album I ever listened to. I can probably still recite most of it. That's all I have to say about that.

"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work." George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam." George Carlin

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose." George Carlin

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood." George Carlin

"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it." George Carlin

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." George Carlin