My Mother and Revisionist History

I was talking to my mother about the pastry school and Second City and what do you know? Apparently my mother is under the impression that she told me a long time ago, 1994 to be precise, that I should either go to Northwestern or just forget college and move to Chicago to study improv/theatre. Um, yeah. What? ‘Scuse me? At what point did my mother tell me this? Answer? Never. Unless, of course, I have early onset Alzheimer’s and just forgot. Wow. That must be what happened. Sucks to be me.

I love my mother to little bits and pieces, truly, however she’s a nut. I’m just trying to imagine the words “forget college” coming out of her mouth and, let me tell ya’, it ain’t happening. I do recall her telling me to apply to Radford as a last resort school…that could, I suppose, be construed as telling me to forget college but, I assure you, Chicago was never mentioned. What’s next? Is she going to tell me that my father is actually Elvis but I knew that, right? That she’s a Republican and thinks GW is doing just a super job? Is she going to deny the holocaust and tell me she always felt that way and what made me think we were Jews?! Jesus.