"I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.” - E. Albee

A little over a year ago, while I was still at insurance hell, I was standing in an elevator when an attractive man got on. The only one in the whole building it should be noted. I proceeded to make an ass out of myself when he spoke to me. It was a bad day and I was in a bad mood. It was bad. There was badness. We spoke a few times after that but, let me be clear, it was still bad. Comprende?

Today I saw him again at the gym. I almost said hi but then I thought what? What am I going to say? Hey, remember that time when I was a bitch to you? ‘Member that? That was awesome! So, needless to say, I did not say hello.

The point, if I may be permitted to believe I have one, is what the hell is wrong with me? I can talk to anybody. I am, I flatter myself, quite the social butterfly. I can shoot the breeze with anybody about anything. Unless, of course, it’s a man I’m attracted to.

If I’m not attracted to a man I can make him think I believe the sun shines out of his ass. This, most likely, explains why I’ve made out with at least two men I had no interest in. What? I hate to be rude. Don’t judge me. Did I sleep with them? No. Good manners can go too far.

Obviously I can at times speak to men I find attractive. Sometimes I am on a roll. I am the party and the party don’t stop! There we come to the second and, possibly larger, problem. I am funny. No. I am Funny. Capital “F”. I can’t make myself be less funny. Not for my own good. Not for some dude. Because, let us be frank, the essential difference between men and women is that women want a a funny man but men want a woman with a good sense of humor.

You think they’re the same? Wrong! If somebody is funny then they make you laugh. If somebody has a good sense of humor (to you, it’s subjective after all) then that means that either you find the same things funny or that they find you funny. Think about it. You see? Not the same. Different.

These are the reasons why I will, most likely, end up adopting a little girl from Asia . I shall name her Inga. Don’t worry, you’re all invited to the Bat Mitzvah.