Today I had a panic attack. It felt like it lasted for an hour and a half. That, of course, is impossible. Panic attacks last for about twenty minutes tops. So, in actual fact, I had a series of them. Being a sensible human being didn't help matters at all.
At 8:30 I was looking over a file and, all of a sudden, I felt like I was going to die. Seriously. Die. Big "D". For about five minutes I thought about going to the hospital which made me think about the fact that I don't have health insurance which made me more agitated. Then I realized it was a panic attack.
I told myself I wasn't having a heart attack. Then I started thinking what if someday it is a heart attack and I mistake it for a panic attack and I die? What then, smarty pants?! Then I told myself it was a panic attack and it would be all over in twenty minutes . . . tops. I started watching the clock. Twenty minutes . . . twenty minutes . . . Twenty one minutes . . . Twenty one? Holy shit. Twenty one! Heart attack! Heart attack! Not panic!! OK, I thought, ok. It's panic. It's panic. DON'T PANIC! Maybe it's time to go back on medication. Then I remembered I don't have health insurance . . . again. BOOM! More panic.
Finally, at ten, a coworker came and asked me if I wanted to go on break. We went outside. I took some (more) deep breaths. We shot the shit. I calmed down.
Keep in mind this all happened, silently, whilst I was sitting at my desk pretending to go over some figures. Say what you will about me but I know how to behave in public. I really should have been born Lady Muck. I have mad stiff upper lip skills . . . um, yo?
I'm fine now. Relatively. The aftermath is almost as bad as the actual attack. I'm sleepy and shaky and want to go to bed. Ain't we got fun?
The point of all this is the following -
Anybody have any valium?
6 comments:
What was the cause of said panic attack?
I have no idea. Just out of nowhere.
That's weird. I've never had one, but I thought they had to be triggered by something. I guess you're just more of a freak than we thought. :D
I totally hear you girl! I have had many panic attacks. After a while they can be really fun if you are really f*cked up like me...heehee I had a Darvocet but no valium. Sorry
I find heavy doses of pain killers and Southern Comfort helps (but maybe that's just me).
Oh- cutting yourself with a slightly sharp object helps, too. The pain feels so good. Oh yeah, oh so good.....
Hmmmm....
Perhaps you should stick with just breathing into a paper bag or putting your head between your knees or something.
-J
Southern Comfort is gross...I'll have to stick to cutting . . . to let out the demons . . . . oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!
Post a Comment