Sunday, August 17, 2008

How To Avoid Thinking Of Smoking

Step 1:
Go to the farmer’s market. Buy a roast, a pound of green beans, a pound and a half of peas (in shell), six ears of corn, a pound of potatoes and a pound of peaches.

Step 2:
Go home. Attempt to refrain from hitting other cars/pedestrians “accidentally”.

Step 3:
Season roast beef and place in preheated oven.

Step 4:
Snap the green beans.

Step 5:
Shell the peas.

Step 6:
Shuck the corn.

Step 7:
Peel the potatoes.

Step 8:
Cut up the peaches. Sprinkle them with sugar. Place in refrigerator.

Step 9:
Boil the potatoes.

Step 10:
Mash the potatoes. Cover bowl of mashed potatoes and place over a pot of simmering water to keep warm.

Step 11:
Boil corn, beans and peas (in separate pots).

Step 12:
Take meat out of oven. Leave to rest for 20 minutes.

Step 13:
Make gravy.

Step 14.
Move all vegetables to serving dishes.

Step 15:
Cut roast beef.

Step 16:
Serve dinner.

Step 17:
Whip a cup of heavy cream.

Step 18:
Place peaches in dessert bowls. Top with whipped cream

Step 19:
Serve dessert

Step 20:
Clean up.

Step 21:
Make chocolate chip cookies.

Step 22:
Clean up.

Step 23:
Clean bathroom.

Step 24:
Type up list.

That’s it. Now keep in mind that during all of this you will still think, constantly ,about having a cigarette and also about killing anyone who gets in your way . . . Or who is breathing within a six mile radius. But all of these separate steps will keep you from grabbing a cigarette, or a knife, for at least a few hours.

One day at a time. Oh, and let someone else do the carving. Seriously. You can’t be trusted.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Keep on keepin on!

Just remember, no matter what, we are still here for you!

diana.daniel said...

Good Luck!! You can do it!

Retainer Girl said...

Ju can doo eet!

girlysmack said...

Yay I am so proud of you!!! I recommend chewing lots of gum or Twizzlers and drinking lots of coffee--heck, just drink lots of coffee, everyone. Coffee's my favorite.

BlondeJustice said...

This post made me hungry.

Dark Fury said...

Sorry, man. PS? It was goooood! The corn and cookies particularly.