The Cure For What Ails You

Mushroom & Matzoh Ball Soup
1/2 Cup Yellow Onion, Diced
1/2 Cup Carrot, Sliced
1 Cup Frozen Peas
1 8 oz. Package of Sliced Wild Mushrooms
1 8 oz. Package of Sliced Baby Portobello’s
2 Quarts of Stock (Chicken or Vegetable)
3 Garlic Cloves, Minced
1 Package of Matzoh Ball Mix
3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
Salt & Pepper To Taste

In a large skillet sauté the onions, carrots, mushrooms & garlic in the olive oil until soft (about 20 minutes).

While vegetables are cooking prepare the matzoh ball mix as directed on the package.

Matzoh mix will have to be refrigerated for 15 minutes.

In a large stock pot bring stock to a boil.

Wet hands.

Roll small (important that they are small as they get bigger when they cook) balls of matzoh mix and drop into boiling stock.

Cover stock pot tightly & simmer for 20 minutes.

When matzoh balls are done transfer vegetable mix to stock pot and add frozen peas.

Simmer for 5 minutes. Ladle into soup bowl. Eat.
I love soup. It's so easy!

EDITED TO ADD: Baked Apples or Apple Noodle Kugel would be the perfect dessert after this. Why didn't I get apples, when I went to the store? WHY?! Damn cold medicine.

Well, Hey! How You? How's Yer' Mamma & Them?!

So, long time no blog, eh? Well, them’s the breaks. What’s been going on? Oy. So much! And, as we all know, I love a list….

A. The Saturday before last I went to my grandmother’s family reunion. I know, technically, that since it’s her family it’s also my family but come on! I can’t take them. What am I Job?

My grandmother’s family is white. No. Seriously. They make me look like a fine Nubian princess. They find Catsup spicy. I’m not kidding. They believe catsup to be some spicy, hot, fire in the hole hellishness. They’re nutty. But, hey! It takes all kinds to make a world so live and let live I say. . . Up to a point.

Conversation Overheard At Family Reunion:
Batshit Crazy 7th Cousin Once Removed #1: Who brought this?
Batshit Crazy 7th Cousin Once Removed #2: What?
BC7C1R #1: (pointing at container that is clearly marked “Garcia”) Who brought this?
BC7C1R #2: Oh. Teeny [my grandmother’s nickname…remember, they’re uber white] did.
BC7C1R #1: Oh! That’s right! I always forget that Teeny married a (whispering) Mexican…I hope it isn’t spicy….

Um, seriously? It was macaroni salad. Also? We’re not Mexican. Furthermore? If we were you wouldn’t need to whisper it. If we were Nazis? Sure, you go ahead and whisper that craziness. Mexican? Not necessary. It isn’t contagious. And if it was I bet you’d enjoy life a lot more. Welcome to flavor country! I know. I know, you thought mayo was a spice. You were wrong. But, once you catch the dreaded Mexican you’ll know better.

Why must people assume that all people with Spanish last names are Mexican (or, in Nuevo York, Puerto Rican)? There are a lot of Spanish speaking nations. Grab a map and concentrate on the Central & South American countries. Oh! And, also? Friggin’ Spain! Hence the word “Spanish.”

I really wanted to point all of this out but, since I was raised right, I decided that this was my cue to get the hell out of Dodge. I even said goodbye on my way out in a very polite manner. I said, because I may have been raised right but Mr. Garcia didn’t raise no fools, “Adios, ladies!” And, yes, I enjoyed the mixture of confusion and panic on their faces when I said it.

B. The Sunday before last I attended the wedding of my friends Stuart and Anne. Now, as we know, usually I could give a crap about weddings. I believe I’ve been clear. I’m generally the one in the back of the room making book on how long the marriage will last. What? I give fair odds and pay out when I lose. Don’t judge me!

That being said, I got a wee choked up at this wedding. Why? Well, partly because I’ve known Stu since G-d was a boy . To me he’ll always be the gangly, sadly long haired, hyperactive puppy of a lad I met way back when. But he’s grown up. He’s grownsed up and he’s grownsed up and he’s grownsed up! And, not only has he grown up, he’s grown up well. He’s a good man. Well done, luv, if you read this. And then there’s Anne. We like Anne. Hell, we love Anne! Could there be anybody better for the Stude? Nope. Not on this planet. So, yeah, that explains the robot getting choked up. That or I’ve blown a cog. Hmmm…must get that checked out. I knew I should have had my heart taken out when I had my soul removed to make room for more sarcasm. Oh, well, hind sight is 20/20!

And, besides the fact that I actually gave a crap about the people getting married, it was a super fun wedding! And, though I say it myself, we were the fun table. One problem? There were three flasks. That, in itself, is far from problematic. But two of them were wasted on Gin and Bourbon. Honestly! Who does that?

C. A few of my friends and I will be hitting up the Richmond Highland Games this weekend. Before you say it, yes, I know! It’s supposed to rain. I say bring it on! I’m a fool for authenticity. I bought a disposable camera so I’m sure I’ll have plenty to post and plenty of photographic evidence. I may have to bring a tranquilizer gun. Olivia gets…funny…around kilted men. There may be an incident.

D.Besides all this? I’ve been at work. I got my first performance review. Yeah, it’s official, I rock.

And . . . That’s . . . About . . . It . . . …..

Things We Lost In The Fire?

The urge to blog. But I'm working on it. Check back later. Hang in there. Be strong. G-d bless you and G-d bless America....Oh, wait. I'm not running for president. Woops!

No. There wasn't an actual fire.

It's Yom Kippur . . .

If you’re thinking of having a pork chop, reconsider.

What time is it, boys and girls? It’s atonement time! Once again it’s time to forgive and forget. I’ll start, shall I?

If, in the past year, I have pissed you off I offer a deep and heartfelt apology.* If, in the past year, you’ve pissed me off then I forgive you.**

There! Don’t we all feel better? Fantastic!

Tzom kal, everybody.

*Unless you had it coming and/or I found it amusing . . . In which case, host du bie mir an avleh!

*Unless you really pissed me off . . . in which case, gai tren zich!

Bedtime For Gonzo

You must see this movie. It's a documentary about Hunter S. Thompson. WATCH IT! That's all.

Cookies & Juice

How the debate would go if I were the moderator....

Moderator (me): Mr. McCain, is it not true that you are, in fact, a fibber and you are, in fact, fibbing right now? Do you need a moment to try and turn that into a personal attack on Mr. Obama? OK. I'll give you a minute.

When I get annoyed my blood sugar drops.

Tonight I watched the debate.

I listened to John McCain.

I'm currently having cookies and juice.

I think you see my point.

PS? Biden is going to hand Palin her ass in their debate...field dress that, Governor!

I Have Many Questions.

I just watched the news. So, sadly, I may not be so coherent or upbeat. My bank is looking for buyers. Great. That’s swell. It’s not as if I have a billion dollars so I can’t lose a lot but, ya’ know, it’s not actually about me (for once). What about all the people who have their retirement wrapped up in that bank? What about all those people? What happens to them if buyers aren’t found? It’s insured, you say? Oh, great! By who? Oh, right. The rocket scientists. Fantastic. I have a lot of faith in them. Seriously. I do. I have faith that they couldn’t find their ass with both hands and a flash light.

The state of the country is deeply depressing. As some of you may know, I am very patriotic. I love my country. I do. I believe, as I’ve said before, in the dream of America. I believe that we can be great. I believe that we have a duty, as Americans, to try and provide the American dream to any and all who want to grab that dream with both hands. How can we do that if we’re broke? How can we do that if we can’t get gas to get to work or to school or to, G-d forbid, the doctor? How can we do that when most of the world hates us? How can we do that when we’re told that the people who are in the highest tax bracket are the middle class? What does that make the rest of us? Why is making sure that two people who love each other can’t get legally married more important than the economy or an illegal war? What kind of people laugh at community organizers? In what world is the ability to field dress a moose of more importance than actual job experience? How can we be great if we’re a joke? How can our children hold their heads up if we raise them in fear and ignorance? How? Somebody, please, tell me. How?

BUT!

All hope is not lost. An election is coming. Go vote. If you love your country, you will vote. If you care about the troops, you will vote. If you want to hand over a better world to your children, then you will vote. If you’d like to retire and not have to live on dog food, you will vote. Hell, if you care about anything at all, you will vote.

Go register. Go vote. Go get involved.

Not someday.

Now.